I had a weird weekend. Donnie was out of town and I’m learning not to set up any concrete domestic goals for the weekends he’s gone because it takes everything out of me just to keep up with my regular life without backup. I had to get his Mom to pick up the kids on Friday and cover me at Nikki’s practice on Saturday just so I could do the things I was scheduled to do. Any more big projects around the house or with the kids I knew would be impossible. I did get my yard work done, I mowed/weeded, but that’s it.
On top of that, when he’s gone we all sleep together in our bed and that’s not the best night sleep for me – as you can image. THEN! Nikki’s sinus/allergy crap culminated in some random puking/nausea around 3:30am Saturday (It hit Donnie like that last Monday, sinus drainage is rough on the tummy) so I had to cancel the sitter I had gotten for Wesley so she and I could volunteer and spectate our big triathlon here in town. So even keeping BIG stuff off of the list, I couldn’t even keep up the stuff that was already on the list separate from him leaving town.
It was a very unproductive weekend by many metrics, is what I’m saying.
Well, not entirely – the lack of sleep and curling up in bed with the kids did allow me to finish Season 1 of Blindspot which is this fantasy show that I love about the a girl with superpowers of persuasion helping out the FBI in an alternate universe.
What? You say it’s not a fantasy? Well, I say it is because it’s the only way I can allow the logical part of my brain to shut off an enjoy it. Otherwise I spend the whole time screaming, “WHY ARE THEY LETTING HER DO THAT? THE FBI WOULD NOT ALLOW THIS AT ALL. THIS IS SO DUMB.” So I’ve convinced myself it’s a fantasy show happening in an alternate universe where the FBI does NOT have it’s shit together and Jane secretly has magic powers of manipulation which is why they PUT HER ON THEIR TEAM WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING HER HISTORY.
So, yeah. Finished that season. I have many thoughts if there’s anyone else who watches it. I love it. But I hate myself for loving it.
But other than that? Nothing. Nada. And I have too much to do today to spend time catching up before work this morning. (It is a BIG DAY for me in my OTHER blog world. IT IS THE 3 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY BULLET JOURNAL!) And sometimes I wake up with my house in disarray and I hate myself because that means if someone calls for a showing I’m going to have to say, “I’m sorry. I need more than 2 hours.” (I need 2 hours just to get here from work and deal with the animals at MINIMUM.) And I know that’s not how you sell a house but A) It rarely happens and B) I’ve been keeping my house “show ready” for the better part of 16 months now, GIVE ME A DAMN BREAK.
I don’t want the fact that everything is not how it should be this morning (upstairs is perfect, as always, because we don’t live up there) to put me in a funk the rest of the day. Do you do that? Get so overwhelmed by how behind you are that you have trouble being productive at all because you get stuck in this mental wind tunnel of your anxieties and you push but make no progress forward? WE ARE NOT LETTING THAT HAPPEN TODAY, PEOPLE. DO YOU HEAR ME?
It’s going to be a great day. I have a million things to do today and not enough time to do them. Which is the PERFECT day for me to practice some of my selfcare mantras and my meditations and breathing breaks and basic checkins. This day is a recipe for disaster where I eat 12 donuts for breakfast and stare at kitty pictures all day. BUT NO! I’m going to break the mold, people! I’m going to take this day as a challenge to BE KIND to myself. To constantly check in with myself to see what I need to keep my head above water. I’m not going to rate my success today by the completion of my To Do list. Instead, I’m going to rate my success on whether or not I fall apart under the weight of anxiety. If I keep my head on straight and don’t curl up in a fetal position in the corner with bean dip and beer today? THEN IT WILL BE A GREAT DAY.
Here’s to reframing success and progress.
Here’s to simply keeping our shit together.