I think the reason I picked up reading so much recently is because I’m in desperate need of distraction. Other people might choose television, but that’s not distraction enough. It’s like my brain only needs my vision to watch television and it can still bask in anxiety and depression simultaneously so that is not effective. I’ve noticed it works for Donnie, but I think that’s because he has this mindless game he plays on his phone while he watches TV most times and so the combination is a good distraction for him. For me? I tend to doomscroll Twitter which just adds to my anxiety and depression.
So I’ve been reading. Whenever there’s a slow moment or I need to disconnect from my mental health problems and my life problems…I grab by book. I’m not sure this is healthy in the long run, but’s getting me through the days and I’ve felt like my mental health is so shitty lately that I’m whole-heartedly embracing the: WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET THROUGH THE DAY attitude and I’m not thinking long-term or anything right now. If I need books? Great. If I need Ruffles and French Onion Dip for breakfast? Excellent. If I need to leave my house and go park in a parking lot and scroll through TikTok? Perfect.
But the truth of the matter is? I need to find a source of income and I don’t know how to do that when my schedule is so erratic and my resume is so outdated. I need something I can do from my computer when I have an hour here or there. Like…FLEXIBLE SCHEDULE and REMOTE are the key words because I can not predict my hours of availability more than one day ahead. And I never have more than 3-4 hours in a row where I can be sitting at a computer.
I mean. If those types of jobs did exist I’m pretty certain they would all be taken during the pandemic.
Anyway. I’m kinda feeling shitty. I’m tired in the physical sense and in the emotional sense.
But I’ve been reading some great books so, you know, I’ll take it.