Self Care

I’m A Conservative…

…about my aqua gouache paint.

Very early in the pandemic I asked Nikki if I could use a set of paints I had bought her the year before for her birthday. They were Gouache paints and they came in a set and I had enjoyed the varying opacities/effects she had gotten out of them and thought they might be fun to play with.

They were very dried out but I looked up on YouTube the best way to “revive” them and had some fun playing with them as I added water/mixed them. Once I had them functioning, I broke out the set regularly for my “creative meditation” rituals which I came to rely on during that stressful time.

For some reason, I remembered that set being expensive. Like…I thought the set was like $80 or something. So for the last two years I’ve been treating it like it as that expensive, never fully letting myself embrace my favorite colors…constantly diluting them with colors I don’t love so I could make the set last longer.

But this morning I wanted to use my favorites, dammit! And only mix with white! Not oranges or browns!

So I did, but I still used the neighboring page for a “junk” painting so I didn’t waste what I had already put on my palette.

And then I got to thinking…That was fun, how much is this set anyway? I mean, I had been using it for TWO SOLID YEARS, if I had to spend $80 replacing it…would it be that big of a deal?


Why was I acting like it was so expensive? I spent more than that on pens every year and I never use those to empty…I basically buy pens when I’m sad! Why am I acting like buying a new paint set should only happen if I conserved and used EVERY PAINT COLOR EQUALLY?

I mean…look at how much I still have left!

And they’re all used pretty evenly! Obviously one of the whites is empty (I do have a tube of white backup) – but the rest are pretty evenly used and MORE THAN HALF FULL IN MOST CASES!

And this is after painting one page in the morning a few times a week for TWO YEARS? WTF, Kim? CHILL OUT!

So I’m going to spend the next few weeks just painting using whatever colors I want, dammit!

2 thoughts on “I’m A Conservative…”

  1. I have been catching up on posts and when I noticed the paints I thought “I wish I could remember what she called those!”
    Now I know.
    For me it was growing up with an older father and in the Catholic Church—I was taught “waste” was a sin and in the past I too would have not been comfortable being all willy nilly about using something like that for fun.
    Now I ascribe to the teachings of Abraham Hicks—-it feels good to feel good.
    Paint away my friend!!!
    you have also encouraged me to just doodle with water colors and add inspirational quotes to them—then throw them in a dollar store frame and give them away as gifts!!!

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