I did it! I made so many phone calls on Friday!
That downside is that today I have a 9am appointment with my Mom’s probate lawyer, a 11am vet appointment for Rosco, a 12noon Zoom call for a work-related thing and then I have to be at the library for my shift by 2pm and the library closes at 6pm.
In case it’s not obvious, there’s another problem I have. When I’m making an appointment and they ask what days/times are good…I tend to give a generic answer that follows my typical work week loosely. And if they give me an option in one fo those times and there’s no actual conflict, I feel like I have to take it because it feels so rude to say, “Um…actually…I know that time you offered fits in the general guidelines I gave you but, um, that day/time is actually not good for me.” It’s so frustrating, as I’m agreeing to the appointment I’m arguing with myself about lit. “KIM! You can’t squeeze that much into one morning! What are you doing?” But do I just politely say, “Actually…I’m sorry…I know that appointment fit the requirements I gave you but when I look at my calendar for that day it’s a little overbooked.”
Nope. Instead I end up scheduling things Back-to-Back-to-Back right up until I have to go into work. Because who doesn’t love THAT kind of day?
But still! I did it! I made the appointments! And I’m 70% certain I won’t back out our cancel them!
That’s another thing I do. Just, like, not go sometimes. There’s a lot of reasons, but just randomly missing appointments is something I’ve done since college when I would fail a class because of the absence policy. So the accountability doesn’t stop with me making the appointment. I need to actually follow through with them.
I also have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow! And the HVAC guy comes next Friday! And then a mammogram next month! And then my annual GP visit in December!
There’s still a lot more I need to do but I’m very proud of myself for knocking out all of those phone calls on Friday. I knew once I got in the groove and did one or two, the others would feel doable and that’s kinda what happened. Will that make it any easier to do it next time? No. But doing several in one day tends to work for me so I guess it’s better than putting it off forever.
My favorite part is how my brain always underestimates how long it’s been since I’ve been putting something off. I thought my lawyer had been waiting on me to make this appointment for like a few weeks…it’s been a few months. In my head I was only a few months behind my mammogram and it turns out I’m over a year behind.
Me calling about my mammogram: “Hi, I need to schedule a mammogram. I was due for one during the pandemic so I’m a little behind.”
Her: “Yeah, it looks like your last one was May 2019.”
I mean, in my defense the pandemic has like completely messed with my concept of time. But…jeez…by the time I go in for my mammogram it will be SEVENTEEN MONTHS LATE.
I’m terrible. I know.
But I did it! I scheduled all the things! Including my appointment with my psychiatrist where I have a list of things a mile long I want to talk to him about. I’ve not talked to him since early in the pandemic. He doesn’t even know Mom died. I want to talk to him about my general broken brain issues but I also want to get evaluated for Inattentive ADD but that requires a whole other set of skills I’m lacking: Advocating For Myself.
Let’s make it through the jam-packed day today and if I don’t skip anything then I’ll focus on Advocating For Myself tomorrow.
So funny, as I was reading your entry I thought “I wonder if Kim’s ever checked into the possibility of ADD.” And then you mentioned it! I’m pretty certain I’m undiagnosed, especially since one of my boys was diagnosed while a teen, my oldest daughter (almost 30) was recently diagnosed, and her 8yo has also been diagnosed with it. Since I’m 99% certain my ex doesn’t have it, and I have recently learned I have a lot of common issues related to it… I figure they must have inherited it from me. It will be interesting to find out what your psychiatrist says about it.
But I share your elation at completing phone calls and appointments. Something so satisfying about it, especially when you don’t like doing it.