On Mental Health, Unpublished

Again With The Boundaries.

It’s hard to know what to write this morning because I’ve spent several hours reading about vulnerable and covert narcissism. (It turns out not all narcissist look like Donald Trump!) And while I would never diagnose someone, it’s important when trying to decide how to set boundaries in a relationship that you go into it with the right understanding of where someone is coming from.

(I swear, all of those links are actually things I’m reading. After I wrote that paragraph it occurred to me that it looks a lot like the spam insert paragraph hacks that have happened on this blog before.)

In other words, I have a lot on my mind in terms of personal conflicts in my life but that’s not really the kind of thing a person can write about on their blog. It’s okay to pick apart my personality defects in this space, but probably not a good idea to pick apart someone else’s.

I would like to talk about boundaries, however. And how I don’t think I really started understanding the importance of boundaries until this year. I think it’s because I haven’t had to stay in relationships with toxic people for long enough to learn the value of setting boundaries. I’ve worked for toxic people before, but only for short chunks of time, so I never had to figure out boundaries. I tend to just cut people off if they are toxic, which is the best kind of boundary because you do it and then it is always there!

But lately I’ve been having to figure out some boundaries in certain unavoidable situations. And while I’m great and understanding how to set a boundary when I’m reading about it on an article or writing about it on my blog, I’m still TERRIBLE at executing them in real life.

Like if I say, “I’m just never to talk to that person about anything deeply personal,” in order to set a boundary…it’s great on paper but it never gets executed. I’ll still walk in and five minutes later be crying about some attitude from my kids or something. I’m great about understanding the importance of boundaries, even great at defining what they’re going to be, but I’m terribly at executing them.

What about you? Do you successfully set boundaries? How do you get from “define” to “execute” when you’re an oversharer who bonds with everyone?

2 thoughts on “Again With The Boundaries.”

  1. I have been able to set/excecute boundaries, but only with certain people. Like, people that I don’t have to deal with that much to begin with. As for some family members and a few others, the best I can do at executing boundaries is to avoid discussion of controversial topics. Does that count? I’m sure it’s not the best way to handle the discomfort that would ensue, but it’s all I’m able to do. That, and excuse myself when it’s unavoidable.

  2. Yea, I think avoidance of the person is a big part of my boundary setting. When they are unavoidable, I tend to be very closed off and reserved. I’m not good at being “normal” except for the boundary issue. Having to have a boundary necessarily makes everything awkward for me. I’d like to get better at it too, but I think some of it is anger on my part at having to set boundaries.

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