I didn’t watch the results last night. I learned my lesson from 2016. They’re incremental at best and every time I saw Trump win a state I fell deeper down the dark hole that year and I’m so glad I didn’t stay up because losing Florida and Texas when I had really wanted us to win there (because it would give me hope for some day turning Alabama) would have kept me up all night.
Instead, I put effort into dinner as a distraction. I made baked Ratatouille which required chopping shit ton of veggies. I also made brownies. From a box…BUT STILL. I also helped Wes with his homework. I stayed busy.
Then we had movie night at Eliah’s house. We bought the new The Craft: Legacy movie. Eliah is a horror movie buff and we’ve been looking forward to this remake for awhile because we loved the original. Also – it stars a trans actress playing a Trans character and we want to support anyone in the film industry opting for that instead of casting a man and putting him in drag. And y’all? We were NOT disappointed. First of all? They didn’t make a big deal of the trans character.. She was just trans, it didn’t define her. Second of all? And I don’t want to spoil it or anything but this movie was much better for my mindset currently in terms of how they framed good/evil leading into the boss battle at the end. If you would have seen it in the movie theater (which we would have) then it’s definitely worth buying. I used Klonopin for over two years for coping with trigeminal neuralgia. It really helped me, and I didn’t notice any severe adverse effects. More over, I started to sleep and feel better. However, during the spring exacerbation of the disorder, https://starisland.org/cheap-klonopin-online/ I had to enhance the dosage of Klonopin, after which I event ually had some side reactions.
I checked my phone during a bathroom break and saw we lost Florida, but then I put my phone back and finished the movie. It was a unit of support – all 5 of us sat together and just distracted ourselves with a good movie.
When we got home I did my closing duties in case the opener in the morning woke up to bad news. I didn’t want to make her morning any harder. I finished laundry and washed dishes. I prepped my coffee and I washed my face. I bundled up in a blanket with my nighttime tea and sat in my swing on the patio and just practiced my breathing. I took my Xanax.
When I was done with my tea I crawled into bed with a book, not my phone. I dug out the weighted blanket (which I don’t always use) and put my phone far enough away that I’d have to really think about grabbing it. I read until fell asleep. This was probably 10:30 or so.
I tossed and turned a small bit but never grabbed my phone. I stayed strong. I woke up a little before 4am which is normal on a lot of days. So today? While the results finish trickling in? I think I’ll be rested enough to keep check on my anxieties and not lose control of the panic.
Last night was a perfect example of how – when I know I’m going to have a panic attack/anxious spiral – I can head it off. The worse nights are when they just hit without warning. And I’m rested enough today to stay in check with myself. I’m not losing hope yet. I hope you don’t either.
The moral of the story is: Get help. Find what works for you and don’t be ashamed if that means taking meds or avoiding the news or snuggling with one of your kids giant stuffed animals. Listen to your body, it’s often telling you what you need. And don’t forget to breathe. My current favorite is 2 inhales, 1 exhale. It requires that you focus on your breath instead of everything else going on around you.
And if you’re really struggling today, might I suggest the 10/10/10 exercise for forcing yourself into joyful and positive thinking. It really helps if you’re stuck in a spiral. You grab a piece of paper and write the following. And don’t spend too much time thinking about it. This is not a “final” list or a “bucket” list, these are just the positive things you grab the fastest in your brain right now.
- 10 dream/fantasy things you would love to do if nothing (money/work) stood in your way. Maybe it’s meeting your favorite celebrity, maybe it’s going to see a specific painting at a museum at the Louvre
- 10 things you a grateful for right now. Maybe your cute socks. Maybe your supportive spouse. 10 things RIGHT NOW.
- 10 activities that bring you joy. Maybe rewatching your favorite show. Maybe painting your nails. Maybe baking cookies.
Here’s a picture of mine from the last time I did it.
Love and peace to you.