Every time I see a new Trump sign pop up in my neighborhood, I die a little more on the inside.
(Especially the ones with his face on them. WHY?)
I have lost a lot of my energy around “proving” my thoughts on this presidency and policies about racism and transphobia and poverty and healthcare. I used to dive into research so I could respond to people’s posts with links and arguments from historians and professionals and journalists. But now? I feel like I’m repeating myself. I’ve posted about these things articles so many times now that I’m noticing ad changes when I dig them up again I send out.
I’ve lost the drive to engage anymore.
I know part of what I’m supposed to be doing to make a difference in my circle of influence is to educate people and to defend my stances against racism and transphobia and to provide economic proof to the advantages of universal healthcare and data that supports that policies proposed by Pro Choice legislatures have more effect on reducing unwanted pregnancies than those proposed by Pro Life legislatures.
But I’m so tired.
I scroll past the memes that say, “Our country needs God more than ever!” without reminding the poster how divisive that is to anyone non-Christian. I turn my head when people post, “It’s a baby! Not a choice!” instead of trying to debate the complexities of reproductive healthcare or the inefficacy around “allowing for exceptions in rape/incest” in actually helping victims of sexual assault. I see a “Blue Lives Matter” flag and no longer remind the poster that my city has a huge memorial to fallen officers that has always shown Blue Lives Matter. We also have a 1-mile memorial walk for fallen officers every Memorial Day. I can list at least 20 successful television shows built around the heroics of law enforcement. Blue Lives have ALWAYS mattered.
I’m just sick of repeating myself to never see any change.
I’ve created a bit of a bubble on Facebook with the weird purge I had to do months ago. I’m actually happy with that. I need a bit of a bubble lately. I live in a red state and a red family and I love people who vote for Trump and I can’t do anything to change their minds (I’ve tried) and the burden of that existence has just drowned out so much of my will to fight anymore. Everything about it seems futile.
I provide links to articles discussion how systemic racism is to blame for the racial wealth gap and get a response, “Well…but it really seems to be more about Black college students not being steered to financially-stable careers.” I debate the school to prison pipeline and get response that, “But that’s just about poor parenting, not about racism.” I post about how supporting someone trans identity will reduce suicide amongst trans teens and someone posts about how they’re worried about male predators disguising themselves as women.
There’s always a response that I need to find another professionally backed article to debate. There’s always a comeback that makes me have to dig into my archive of sources yet again. Because I want to provide citations to every argument I make, these debates take time and energy and I no longer feel that it does any good.
I’m so burnt out. And I just have no hope that any of this effort is doing any good.