My brain has become a crazy place right now, y’all.
Here’s the thing. I know what I believe and what I stand for and what I fight for, but I’m never confident really digging into a debate without having sources and quotes from smarter people to back me up. So a simple comment can pull my brain into “RESEARCH PAPER MODE” for an hour while I build a well-sourced response only to sometimes remind myself: Wait. Why am I wasting my time on this person who has proven time and time again that they aren’t open to my debates? And then just removing their comment or muting their account or whatever.
I WILL NEVER GET THAT TIME BACK Y’ALL.
And then sometimes I go through all of that effort to respond to someone and they ghost me and so then my brain spends DAYS waiting for them to respond. “I GOT THEM SO GOOD I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL I SEE HOW THEY RESPONDED!”
And then sometimes they come back and argue and then I have more hours of research/citations to lose.
You might say, “Well you should stay of social media then!” But honestly? Most of it is positive and I feel like the least I can do is try to inform people in my sphere of influence, especially when it comes to the effects of racist policies or issues around Trans rights.
BUT MY BRAIN IS ALWAYS IN RESEARCH MODE NOW. When I’m at my Mom’s and she has Fox News on I’m constantly looking up sources on my phone to tell her to contradict things they’re saying on TV. There were these pundits lauding “Broken Window” policing so I had to dig up this article to share with her. WHY DOES MY BRAIN HAVE TO KEEP DOING THAT.
Sidenote: If you need an easily quotable/sharable breakdown of JKRowling’s transphobia, start here and work through the citations. This writer’s work has really helped my research brain.
I mean…part of me feels like this is important work, calling out the people who I have contact with, but the other part of me feels like it’s not doing anything. Do I spend these hours researching posts and responses only to piss people off more and get NO ONE to understand Trans issues or racist policies better?
My brain would like to know that all of the work it does doing research and building arguments is for a good cause and not just KEEPING ME FROM SLEEPING EVER AGAIN.
Anyway…I’ve discussed this with other people recently and it seems research brain is not ONLY plaguing me so I thought I’d put this out there to see if anyone else finds themselves wasting hours digging up sourced responses to other people’s ignorance/hatred/bigotry.