Recording the small silver linings.

I am happy to say that I have no friends and family who are posting things to social media making me insecure about how I’m handling this quarantine. I see all of the memes mocking the women happily doing the crafts and loving the extra time with their kids, but none of them are my friends. I see all of the mental health notes reminding us that we’re all facing trauma and this is not the time to measure productivity or learn a new skill, but none of my circle is expecting that. I feel very comforted by friends and family struggling in very similar ways that I am. I have the people that have always made me a little insecure…and they still are to a certain degree…but in general? It’s obvious we’re all struggling and that makes me feel less alone.

BUT.

I HAVE TO WRITE ABOUT SOME SILVER LINING.

My daughter has really been missing socializing and she’s also getting intense cabin fever so when I leave to run errands or check on Mom or walk her dog, N always goes with me. She stays in the car most of the time, listening to music or reading, but she goes with me. This has meant we have had a lot of fun time on car rides, chatting, laughing, listening to music. She’s looking forward to spending time with her friends when she can, but I’m enjoying being her substitute for now. She’s really funny and she makes me laugh so easily, almost too easily because I’m dealing with allergies and so when I start laughing I get this weird cough that makes me sound like I’m dying which only makes us all laugh harder.

Wesley has asked, in return, that he and I have some solo movie time together. My kids are actually fighting for equal time to hang out with me. I mean, it’s only because they can’t hang out with their friends, BUT I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF IT. I also really enjoy school time with Wes. It’s a struggle…and inherently school sucks…but it’s such a unique and special time to share with him. We are reading the same book, working on math problems, watching history videos…it’s not something I would have ever gotten without this weird shut down. And I’m trying my best to savor every minute.

This is a rough time. A really rough time for my family. We have a lot of challenges being trapped home together. The unfortunate timing of my Mom moving here at the beginning of this, and then being put on dialysis, has added many challenges. BUT. There are things I’m trying to savor. I’m trying to enjoy. I’m trying to be grateful for. It’s not easy. But I’m lucky to be in a good enough mental health state to be able find moments of gratitude and joy. If you can’t, it’s okay. I’m just documenting my moments here so I’ll remember them later.

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