Where Do I Begin?

“And chaos ensued…” feels like the best way to describe the last 5 days of my life. Except that if you had asked me 5 days ago I would have thought I was ALREADY experiencing chaos!

Long story short? My Mom was hospitalized on Friday with extremely high blood pressure and some bad kidney numbers stemming from 3 days of vomiting and resulting dehydration. They still have NO idea why she was so nauseated – other than it could have just been from the high blood pressure – but they are trying to find the right medicinal cocktail to manage her blood pressure while also trying to evaluate the damage to her kidneys.

Fun fact! Every time you have REALLY high blood pressure your kidneys get affected! Kidney disease and high blood pressure are often woven together in people and they are very tightly woven in my Mom who has been at stage 3 of Chronic Kidney Disease for 2+ years now. My understanding is that we’re trying to see if the recent surge in BP may have pushed that to stage 4 which is basically when dialysis is needed.

And I say “my understanding” because I CAN NOT BE THERE WITH HER.

Yep. I had to drop her off and just wave goodbye because there are absolutely NO visitors allowed in the hospitals right now. She’s been there alone for 5 days. All I can do is deliver bags of things she needs through hospital security which is a very weird thing in and of itself. I call the nurses station for updates and just count on the doctors to call me with others. Having family in the hospital is always stressful and I’m very glad she’s HERE (previously I would have to be in Knoxville during all of this) but I would prefer to actually be AT THE HOSPITAL WITH HER.

Although honestly? This is probably better because her dog is experiencing some separation anxiety and only seems to be placated if I’m in his sight. If I’m behind a door (like if we try to keep him in a room at our house) he cries. If we leave him at Mom’s apartment along with one of my kids, he cries. And his cry is SO BAD that her landlord got a worried call from one of her neighbors thinking the dog was hurt.

So it’s probably a good thing I can’t be up there or I’d have to figure out what to do with her dog!

Anyway. Fingers crossed she comes home soon. We started our “blended schooling” this week through our school system. I was already pretty focused on keeping MY dog chill during Donnie’s meetings but now I have to figure out how to do that AND help with my kid’s education AND still keep tabs on my Mom and now keep her dog with me at all times? Or at least where his cries won’t bother anyone?

I am doing okay, though. I’m trying to “practice calm” like Brené Brown talked about in her recent podcast. It doesn’t come easy but I’m trying because there is so much chaos right now, if I give in to it all, I may never come back. I have to practice calm several times a day just to keep my pot from boiling over. I honestly feel okay about things but I know how close to the edge we’re all living right now so I’m staying in tune and not letting even one ounce of panic get away from me without some calming techniques.

It’s a snowball, y’all. If I don’t keep it from rolling down the hill, it will smash my entire town to bits.

5 thoughts on “Where Do I Begin?”

  1. Wanted to pop in and say ‘hang in there”.
    I agree with practicing or even scheduling calm. I choose 5 points in our day (transitions seemed best…when screens go off…when we eat…) to do 5 different techniques I use to re-center myself. I have them on our schedule and if I was a phone user I would put them in my calendar 🙂
    take care, sending light filled thoughts.
    Julie A

  2. If you need help with anything, please holla. I am on shift this week but I can run out anytime I need or have the evenings available.

    P.S. If your mom needs a kidney doc in Huntsville, try to get in with Dr. Quadrini at Nephrology Consultants.

  3. So sorry to hear about your mom. Just a random thought that might help or might be ass-vice, but what if Donnie shifted to working from your mom’s apartment during this round of chaos? It sounds like that might be a good way to stem some of the chaos.

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