My life is full of other people’s stories lately, so when I sit down to write I try to figure out how best to brain dump without stepping on anyone’s personal narrative choices. Especially with my kids who wan’t me to just pretend they don’t exist in any public internet forum. (OH GOD, DID I JUST BREAK A RULE? I MEANT MY DOGS. I ONLY HAVE DOGS. NO KIDS.)
But SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED since the last time I wrote and I feel compelled to try to update as best I can.
I planned an up-and-back trip to Knoxville on Thursday to do my best to clean the last stuff out of Mom’s garage before closing on Friday. They set the closing date without my approval which meant I couldn’t take Mom because I had to take a car-load of girls South for a soccer tourney Friday night. The plan was for her sister to bring her in from Nashville.
At least that was the plan. Thursday morning she was not feeling well so when I was already in Knoxville I had to scramble to get a POA drawn up and emailed to her and her sister had to take her to get it notarized in Nashville and then meet me halfway between Nashville and Knoxville where…THANK GOD…an old friend was able to offer me the basics for an overnight stay so I could make it to closing in the morning for Mom.
I was gross. To say the least. I was wearing moving clothes that I specifically chose for their groddiness and I hadn’t showered in 48 hours.
And of course I still didn’t have time to shower or anything before taking all of…my dogs…to soccer that night because I basically rolled back into town on Friday with just enough time to unload Mom’s stuff into my garage, grab all of the soccer gear, and hit the road. We also had a full day of soccer on Saturday but our girls did win their division and were awarded a plaque with a typo. I’d love to show you a picture but you have to remember…I have no children.
Just trust me. It was hilarious.
I spent Sunday playing Catch Up on laundry and volunteer obligations and groceries and all of the basics I had neglected since I went to bed Wednesday evening. I was also exhausted. I made the mistake of sitting down Sunday afternoon to work on my laptop and I could not focus because I was so freaking tired.
So…of course I was up last night with an ill kid.
Or, I mean, wait. I don’t have children. I was up last night with a sick dog. My dog had a migraine and required about two hours of head rubs as we tried everything to make my dog feel better and I felt so bad for my dog who was so miserable because I suffered from migraines as a kid (not as an adult – THANK GOD) and remember very vividly how much it sucked.
One final note: My Dad and I were discussing anger when I was in high school and he casually referenced that his mistake was taking out his anger at home when it was things outside the home that made him angry. He would say something like, “You feel safe letting it out at home because those people won’t leave you but one day they will.” And it was poignant but I asked no further questions because he said it with an err of regret that I didn’t feel comfortable poking.
Lately I realized that I’m kinda doing that here. I’m kinda dumping all of my stress and anxiety here because everyone in my life is dealing with their own stress and anxiety and so I don’t feel like I can burden them with it. I just want to say: THANK YOU. And also? I promise I smile and laugh a lot more than I let on here. I’m exhausted and I’m stressed but I also laughed so hard I almost wet my pants the other night while my…dog? And their friends? My dog friends? Were being silly and cracking me up. I’m also often jamming out to Indigo Girls in prep for this week’s concert. And I had a great time visiting old friends in the chaos of my sudden overnight in Knoxville.
There are good things going on that I’m not sharing and for that I apologize. I just don’t feel like I can share the negative to the people around me right now because everyone is dealing with their own stress and so I’m dumping mine on this blog where no one will feel like I’m trying to steal their anxiety thunder.
Thanks for being here. For listening to me about all of the stress around…um…dog ownership.