I’ve been slowly but surely going through old posts to try to get the formatting updated and I have been painfully reminded how little I cared about spelling or grammar (and you thought I couldn’t care any less than I do now!) and how often I relied on bulleted randomness for content. There wasn’t a lot of well thought-out posts yesteryear.
And so today? I’m honoring that tradition and giving you A BUNCH OF RANDOM SHIT THROWN TOGETHER IN THE FORM OF A BLOG POST!
I still haven’t made that doctor’s appointment to talk about my tummy issues. WHAT? How was this not expected? Me avoiding doctors is totally on brand.
Although, honestly – I’m leaning toward gallbladder issues because I eliminated all fatty foods from my diet last week (something that has NEVER bothered me) and I had the longest stretch of happy tummy that I’ve had in months.
And then Thanksgiving happened and I over did the creamy and the fat and now I feel TERRIBLE. Last night my stomach was SO ANGRY AT ME and this morning I still don’t feel great so…goodbye fatty/heavy foods FOREVER! Or at least until I get off my ass and go to the doctor.
Luckily I’m obsessed with cooking shows now so surely I learn new exciting/fun things to cook! RIGHT?
My kids are making me go black Friday shopping. Nikki made me do it last year and now Wesley wants in on the fun/excitement/hell. I don’t love shopping in stores (I love shopping online) and I hate crowds so I’m not a black Friday person but my kids think it sounds fun and I hate them for it so if you need two new children, you know where to find them.
THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY MONEY? WHY DO THEY WANT TO DO THIS?
Luckily I woke up this morning and I’m still having pretty decent hair from Thanksgiving and I’m always a little more tolerant of the public when I have decent hair that I didn’t even have to shower for.
My dog is currently growling at me to play with him. I should have hidden in the closet again.
True story, I just wrote that sentence and then remembered he never pooped before bed last night and maybe he needed to go poop and I took him out and he did and is it weird I’m so well-aquainted with my dog’s poop schedule?
Here’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately that I want to write more about once I’ve kinda knocked it around a little bit but I thought I’d throw it in here casually at the end.
Trauma and Grief have a certain look to all of us that tends to prevent us from seeing it in other forms. We see trauma in the form of war and crime and tragedy, we see grief in the form of death and loss. But trauma can also be a child bullied consistently by peers and grief can look like an amicable divorce. There are many things in our lives and in the lives of others that can cause us to grieve or to respond to trauma that we may not instinctively recognize but once you’re open to the possibilities you can be more open to the healing required for both.
I first learned this idea when I started going to therapy for traditional Grief over losing my Dad. Only to learn after working with my therapy that my uncontrollable sadness over losing my Dad had much more to do with the child inside me grieving over the loss of my Mom in my parent’s divorce…even though she was still alive. I’ve also learned to look out for the ripple effects of childhood trauma as it relates to having early exposure to addictions in adults. When I know what to watch for (perfect example is my tendency to project my childhood feelings of abandonment on my children) as a response to those new understandings of my past experiences.
It’s not a way to make excuses for things, but if you know how to categorize your experiences then you learn to recognize the effects of them and it’s easier to keep yourself from continuing repetitive behavior.
Even something simple like a child growing up with less than their peers can create a type of trauma or grief response in the form of them constantly spoiling their own children to try to heal those past hurts. It’s not something we thinking about a traditional “trauma” or “grief” but the responses are very similar.
And once you’re open to this idea you start to understand the effects of systemic racism and generational trauma in scopes that can totally shed new light on white privilege.
Anyway! Just something serious to end a dumb post of randomness. Wish me luck today!!!