Better and Worse.

I slept for a solid 6 hours last night without interruption. I FEEL HUMAN… ALMOST…KINDA!

Of course, I would have slept more if I hadn’t been up last night watching legislators in the state of Alabama vote to pass a law that OBVIOUSLY goes against Roe v. Wade just so that maybe we can add that in our packet of state-pride: The state who passed the law that overturned Roe v. Wade. It looks like we’ve got some tough competition from other states but y’all? WE HAVE NO EXCLUSION FOR RAPE AND INCEST. So, you know, we’re the worst.

It’s been maddening to consider that fact that – if this goes the way the pro-Life groups want it to go – my daughter, 20-30 years after I made my own choice, will not have one. If this goes the way the conservative politicians and justices go, she will have LESS FREEDOM THAN I DID.

I lost hope a long time ago in the courts upholding Roe v. Wade so in my head? This is a done deal. It’s just a matter of time before this law takes effect. In the state of Alabama abortion was legal when I needed it and now? This law will mean if my daughter ever needs it, it won’t be. What kind of crazy shit is that?

This has been part of my anxiety spiral the last few weeks as I’ve followed debates and re-writes and proposed amendments and poor Bobby Singleton screaming for all of us women of Alabama to a room of white men determined to take away our rights. I don’t know if he’ll be quoted today, but when the amendment failed to get added to allow for exclusions in the case of rape and incest in the ban, he just let loose.

It was tough to read and watch in my state of mind last night which was: NO SLEEP AND THEREFORE NO CONTROL OVER MY EMOTIONS. I just kept sobbing. I hid away from the kids because I had no desire to talk to them about it (although we DO talk about it) when I was so fragile and just watching it all unfold knowing none of the men speaking for me were any of the people I had ever cast votes for (my district is Republican, although more blue than most of North Alabama) and I was just thanking Bobby Singleton from afar for every accusations and proclamation he made against this bill.

Y’all? The conservatives couldn’t even clarify parts of the bill because A) they didn’t write it themselves (did you see the USA Today deep dive about this practice?) and B) they know the language is weird specifically to help it challenge Roe v. Wade and any clarification in the legislation itself could jeopardize that being their actual goal.

Anyway. I’m hopeless. Yes. Abortion is still legal here and yes the ACLU will mount great legal cases against this and other bills like it in the country. But SCOTUS has been stacked against us. Roe v. Wade has an expiration date now and I’m just heartbroken. Trump has been filling lower courts with conservative justices in a record-setting pace, voter rights are being squashed in all areas that might lean Democratic, and the leading candidates for President are already talking “compromise” with the conservatives if they get elected, while the candidates proposing good progressive policies are getting beat in the polls.

And if my daughter ever has a worse-case-scenario with her body and/or reproductive system and needs to make a choice, she will not be able to in this state. A state that gave me the choice when I needed it several decades ago. What in the actual fuck does that say about our moral arc?

1 thought on “Better and Worse.”

  1. Sad and disgusting watching what’s happening in this country right now. It does feel like they’re trying to drag us backward in time and destroy any progress we’ve made. I can’t even imagine watching it from ground zero.

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