I have been a Mom for 24 years and have showed moderate to excellent levels of patience through all sorts of crises. I’ve handled depression and anxiety and fits of rage. I’ve handled legal problems and questions of sexuality. I’ve handled school-mandated discipline issues and bad-behavior-triggered family divisions. I’ve been through surgeries and stitches and broken bones. I’ve even handled plenty of illnesses – strep throat and stomach viruses and ear infections. And through all of it I’ve been pretty good in the Patience department and I’m (almost) always nice and kind and nurturing.
BUT GIVE MY KIDS COLDS AND I WANT TO SHIP THEM INTO THE WILDERNESS AND MAKE THEM FEND FOR THEMSELVES.
Terrible things I’ve said so far to my “sick” kids: (Not counting air-quoting the word “sick” constantly.)
- Everyone gets colds, you’re not special.
- It’s just a cough, get over it.
- You’re not running a fever, so you’ll live.
- OH MY GOD JUST TAKE THE MEDICINE AND GO TO BED.
- I’m not in the mood, can you sniffle somewhere else?
- Oh my god, I know you don’t feel well but you are not dying, quit acting like you are.
I made this list in about 45 seconds. Give me another 5 minutes and I’ll think of 100 other terrible things I’ve said to my kids since they’ve been sick and you know what? I HAVE NO REGRETS. They need to toughen up because half of our town has had the flu and so NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR LITTLE COUGH. Kids in Washington are getting measles…BLOW YOUR NOSE AND GET OVER YOURSELF. There was a stomach bug that knocked out 75% of the third grade down the road JUST BE GLAD YOU ARE NOT VOMITING.
I don’t know what it is about me and colds but I’m the same way when my husband gets them. If he’s puking or suffering headaches or injured from a run? I’m there for him bringing him sprite and heating pads and even rubbing his head for him. But if he has a cold I’m rolling my eyes every time he even THINKS of whining.
Let me know if I win the 2019 Mom or Wife of the Year prize, okay?