Things We Hide From Ourselves.

Have you ever found out you have a bad habit you didn’t even know you had? It was just brought to my attention that I have a “nervous tick” where I mocking laugh/smirk at the end of a sentence when I’m trying to respond to a situation when I feel insecure, and evidently it makes the recipient feel like shit and that fact right there has shaken my world. 

I have spent countless hours after countless social encounters going over things I’ve said or done and feeling terrible about myself and then to now find out that there’s something that’s terrible that I’m doing to make someone else feel terrible  that I didn’t even know I’m doing? DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS FOR SOMEONE WHO ALREADY HAS TERRIBLE SOCIAL ANXIETIES?

I mean,  I’ve noticed weird social ticks that people have that they obviously don’t know they have, but it’s hard to find out I have one too. Especially one that might make someone else feel dumb and shitty because the majority of my social anxieties revolve around the fact that I am always worried I’m going to say something dumb. It’s not that I’m worried I am dumb because I firmly believe that everyone knows more than someone about something – but I’m worried I’m going to say something stupid like the time I frustratingly said to Donnie, “NEW ORLEANS IS A VERY LARGE STATE!”

So to find out that I’m doing something subconsciously when am nervous that could make someone else feel dumb? It’s heartbreaking. I’m questioning all of my interactions (again) and wondering how many people have walked away from interactions with me feeling dumb just because I have this weird laugh/scoff tick thing I do when I’m feeling nervous or insecure.

I don’t know. It’s just rough, you know? I mean, now that it’s been pointed out and I know I’m doing it, then hopefully I can stop (depends on how ingrained it is) and it will improve my conversational skills but JEEZUS…How terrible is it to develop an insulting personal tick to compensate your own insecurities THAT WILL MAKE THE RECIPIENT FEEL INSECURE?

2 thoughts on “Things We Hide From Ourselves.”

  1. No. I don’t believe this blanket statement. It may pertain to ONE particular recipient, but that doesn’t mean it is true of all recipients. I would venture to say that most recipients would know your intent and would recognize it as a nervous tic.

  2. I tend to laugh when people tell me that something negative or bad has happened to them.I feel horrible and usually try to apologize. But its kind of like a fart- You cant really take it back. I am guessing that most people don’t even notice it, or they see it for what it is, a nervous reaction. The person that felt bad or stupid, is probably like you and I, a very sensitive person. Other people just don’t perceive things the same as we do. Its just a personality trait. This is something that I was discussing with my counselor the last time I went.

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