Have you ever found out you have a bad habit you didn’t even know you had? It was just brought to my attention that I have a “nervous tick” where I mocking laugh/smirk at the end of a sentence when I’m trying to respond to a situation when I feel insecure, and evidently it makes the recipient feel like shit and that fact right there has shaken my world.
I have spent countless hours after countless social encounters going over things I’ve said or done and feeling terrible about myself and then to now find out that there’s something that’s terrible that I’m doing to make someone else feel terrible that I didn’t even know I’m doing? DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS FOR SOMEONE WHO ALREADY HAS TERRIBLE SOCIAL ANXIETIES?
I mean, I’ve noticed weird social ticks that people have that they obviously don’t know they have, but it’s hard to find out I have one too. Especially one that might make someone else feel dumb and shitty because the majority of my social anxieties revolve around the fact that I am always worried I’m going to say something dumb. It’s not that I’m worried I am dumb because I firmly believe that everyone knows more than someone about something – but I’m worried I’m going to say something stupid like the time I frustratingly said to Donnie, “NEW ORLEANS IS A VERY LARGE STATE!”
So to find out that I’m doing something subconsciously when I am nervous that could make someone else feel dumb? It’s heartbreaking. I’m questioning all of my interactions (again) and wondering how many people have walked away from interactions with me feeling dumb just because I have this weird laugh/scoff tick thing I do when I’m feeling nervous or insecure.
I don’t know. It’s just rough, you know? I mean, now that it’s been pointed out and I know I’m doing it, then hopefully I can stop (depends on how ingrained it is) and it will improve my conversational skills but JEEZUS…How terrible is it to develop an insulting personal tick to compensate your own insecurities THAT WILL MAKE THE RECIPIENT FEEL INSECURE?