This started as a Facebook post but I made it a little longer, added a quote, and put it here to really make sure I got my point across.
I find there are two responses to Christine Blasey Ford’s accusations that I don’t like. The first are the people who don’t believe her thinking she is out for a book deal or something. I find I can at least have a “things I know v/s things you know” conversation and find that they haven’t heard her stories framed in the same way I have and I can at least write it off as, “This person only gets their news from conservative sources that are trying to discredit her and frame her in a negative light.”
(And on the opposite side I actively avoid Fox News so I could be missing something, but I don’t limit myself to only liberal leaning sources, I have several sources of news, some more more moderate than others. So I tend to feel confident in my exposure to issues even though I avoid Fox News.)
The second response, the response I really struggle with and the response that makes me so angry I get severely depressed – are the people who BELIEVE her but think it’s NO BIG DEAL. Who hear the story of a teenage girl held down in a bed, with her MOUTH COVERED SO SHE COULD NOT SCREAM, and write it off as “something teenage boys with raging hormones do.”
If this was done to you and you have let our twisted rape culture convince you it is no big deal. YOU ARE WRONG. You were assaulted. You should talk to a professional about the hurt this person caused you. And I’m truly sorry.
If you have DONE THIS TO A GIRL and are trying to make yourself feel better then YOU ARE AN ATTEMPTED RAPIST AND YOU NEED TO MAKE AMENDS. Hopefully you are no longer that person but at one point in time you tried to rape someone and that someone has carried that with them for their entire life and you just blew it off convincing yourself it was no big deal.
If you are blaming alcohol like alcohol removes everyone’s “Don’t Rape People” instincts then you need to know that plenty of people get drunk every day and don’t try to rape people. If those instincts are so easily removed than the person drinking IS A POTENTIAL RAPIST. Also? If you really think alcohol does that to a person who would not ever do that thing sober? Then why aren’t you on some sort of prohibition campaign? If I thought alcohol easily made good guys rapists I’d be raging against the industry and trying to make it illegal.
If you are saying, “They only kissed,” then you are missing the point of “attempted rape” which is a CRIME. Yes, I know the SCOTUS nominee is not on criminal trial but please know that if my sons or daughter ever comes home and says someone held them down, covered their mouth, and tried to pull their clothes off but they got away? I WILL CALL THE POLICE. I will not say, “Well, the guy only kissed them in the end so….” No. If my kid came home with the EXACT SAME STORY as Dr. Ford? I would not point out that they “only kissed” – I would call the police because the next person might not escape in time.
If you think too much time has past for this story to matter anymore then you are valuing the life of the attacker over the life of the survivor. Maybe too much time has past for a criminal trial, but there’s not a limit for how long we as a society should give a victim of assault our kindness and our attention in order to help them move on. Amends need to be made and if the attacker can’t or won’t do it – then our culture should by wrapping the victim in our arms and letting them know we hear them and we are sorry.
If you don’t believe Dr. Ford, then I worry you are only watching Fox news which is no longer even trying to hide the fact that it’s government run television.
But if you believe her testimony, if you read the words of her story here and still think it’s not a big deal? Then you are not a part of the cure for rape culture and you and I are on different teams.
Kavanaugh physically pushed me into a bedroom as I was headed for a bathroom up a short stair well from the living room. They locked the door and played loud music precluding any successful attempt to yell for help.CNN
Kavanaugh was on top of me while laughing with REDACTED, who periodically jumped onto Kavanaugh. They both laughed as Kavanaugh tried to disrobe me in their highly inebriated state. With Kavanaugh’s hand over my mouth I feared he may inadvertently kill me.
From across the room a very drunken REDACTED said mixed words to Kavanaugh ranging from “go for it” to “stop.”
At one point when REDACTED jumped onto the bed the weight on me was substantial. The pile toppled, and the two scrapped with each other. After a few attempts to get away, I was able to take this opportune moment to get up and run across to a hallway bathroom. I locked the bathroom door behind me. Both loudly stumbled down the stair well at which point other persons at the house were talking with them. I exited the bathroom, ran outside of the house and went home.
If we want the next generation of men to stop with the “boys will be boys” crap then we need to BELIEVE together and be OUTRAGED together and we need to teach our children the meaning of unwavering consent and we need to teach our children that we will believe them if they can muster up the power to share their stories. If you are part of this second group of people I’m referencing who believe but don’t care? Then we are NOT on the same team.