JEEZ! How about a weekend post where we talk about my past mental health crisis? Thanks for reading that yesterday, it felt very important that I write it, but let’s talk about how much better I’m doing lately.
A LOT BETTER.
Life has gotten more chaotic with all of my travel back and forth to Tennessee but I finally have a handle on it and I’m really enjoying the connecting with friends in Knoxville. Some trips it’s easier to do than others but I at least usually get to walk in or a meal in with a friend. This is the longest stretch I’ll have not been in Knoxville in since APRIL. Seven days in Huntsville which is wonderful because it means I don’t have to spend every waking moment catching up on things I missed while I’m gone. BUT I ALSO MISS ALL OF MY KNOXVILLE FRIENDS. I have new walking friends, I visit with old high school friends, I even miss the security officers at my favorite rest stop along the drive.
Obviously, this routine is settling in with me or I wouldn’t miss it all so much.
I was finally able to get back into walking and running again and I promise you I would NOT have done that without Eliah walking with me regularly in Huntsville and two of my friends walking with me in Knoxville. Left to my own devices, getting back out was depressing because I spent the whole time thinking about how far I was from that 110K race shape. But with my walking friends it was just camaraderie and fitness rolled into one and it helped me remember why I do it all to begin with…health of mind AND body.
I’m doing 15-20 miles a week now in 3-4 mile increments. Have been for two weeks. I have only stepped on a scale TWICE which is SO GOOD for me since I used to do it every day. I still feel like I need that metric to measure progress since I can’t really tell anything about my body but I’m trying to let go of that need and just measure progress by the fact that I’m about to go for a 6-mile run with my Sunday trail group for the first time in MONTHS and while it may kill me (I’ve not run that long in a long time) I’m still very excited and I know I’ll come closer to surviving than I could have months ago.
I’m doing better. And honestly? Even my lowest points over the last 25 years have not been as low as that moment when I was 18. Not even close, to be honest with you. But the last month I’ve felt better than I have in two years, probably. So, thank you for listening to the stories of my downturns but know you are instrumental in my mental health because you come here and cheer me on when I’m feeling low and for that – I’ll be enterally grateful.
WISH ME LUCK! 6 MILES WITH A TRAIL GROUP I STARTED AND I AM SO NERVOUS!
Good luck!Have fun!
You got this Girl!
I wanted you to know that I talked to my wife yesterday about your brave and detailed post because we have an 11 year old daughter who has attachment issues and anxiety issues. Thankfully we have just started therapy. As I read your article I couldn’t help but keep thinking that the person you were describing could be her. How would I know? Like you she has friends, is outgoing, people love her, she does ok in school–but she is definitely anxious. Maybe she is thinking things I don’t know. My wife made the comment that we should put the suicide hotline number on our fridge like we have other emergency numbers. I had never, ever thought to do that. It made me think that it should be on fridge magnets along with police and poison control numbers. Everyone should know it exists.
So thanks for sharing your story, I appreciate it.
Julie