Donnie and I disagree about many things. Nothing too major, thank goodness, but things that do cause a rift periodically. Like Donnie does not kill black widows that have nests somewhere on our property. DID YOU HEAR ME INTERNET? DONNIE DOES NOT HAVE A BLANKET “KILL ALL BLACK WIDOWS” POLICY! Whereas I have a policy of if I see too many black widows in my house I will find the local exterminator, visit their website and have them taken care of.
According to Donnie, Black Widows are, “not actually aggressive at all and tend to stay near their nests and they like dark spots for their nests so they’re not going to roam our house and they’re threads are really strong! They’re amazing!”
YES. THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND WE ARE STILL MARRIED.
Anyway…this mindset of his creates a type of “no kill” policy for bugs in the house. He doesn’t mind stomping wood roaches that come in from our wooded back yard or wasps in the summer. But that’s about it. If he finds a spider in our house he gently scoops it up and takes it outside. Whereas I have a policy: IF IT IS IN MY HOUSE IT DIES.
However, I have compromised and once I left a black widow alone that was on our property. It was about 30-feet from our house, but still, I was very proud of myself for not calling in the fire department or a Pest Control Coventry company to kill it.
But if it is in my house? I KILL IT WITH THE RAGE THAT BURNS OF 1,000 FIRERY SUNS.
UNTIL YESTERDAY! Yesterday the kids and I were catching up on TV togethers during my short stint home and we were curled up on the couch and then something large flew around the window and we all jumped up and screamed bloody murder. I MEAN I SCREAMED LIKE A MANIAC. I thought it was a wasp and I was half way to the phone about to call Pest Control Berkshire when I realised it was in fact NOT a wasp. It was a large flying leaf of some sort. What the hell??
The kids wanted me to kill it at first because it was huge and looked scary. BUT! I thought it was kinda pretty and it didn’t fly fast and it seemed to have a little dust stuck on his feet so I think that was weighing him down. (Sorry, bro. This house is dusty as shit as the last thing I want to do on my days home is clean.) So I bravely scooped him onto a piece of paper and into a tupperware container AND I TOOK HIM OUTSIDE LIKE A GODD*AMN HERO.
I was so proud of myself. I DID NOT KILL THE BUG IN MY HOUSE! Everyone celebrate!