Obsessing about Obsessing.

If I could have ONE magic power, it would be able to tell my brain to STOP THINKING A CERTAIN THOUGHT. Like, remember that time I thought that girl was going in for a hug and she was not? STOP REMEMBERING THAT, Zoot! Or when someone posts something ridiculous on Facebook? STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT, Zoot! Or when someone said something hurtful? STOP FEELING HURT, Zoot!

I’m telling you, if I could control my thoughts, so much of my mental health would be better. Because I have obsessive tendencies and I can’t stop thinking about things that DO NO GOOD TO BE THOUGHT ABOUT. It’s like I’m just a passenger in the car that anxiety is driving.

I just realized this morning that someone close to me “Took a Break” from me on Facebook. Evidently you “Take a Break” from a person and you can’t see their things and they can’t see yours. Perfect if you’ve broken up with someone and don’t want them seeing your social outings or you don’t want to see theirs. I guess it’s also perfect if you have a family member you disagree with politically? I don’t know. I always thought “unfollow” was sufficient, maybe others don’t. I have not been posting as much politically lately on Facebook. I mean, I tend to always post issue related things, like graphics outlining White Supremacy and petitions to end conversion therapy, but nothing about ACTUAL POLITICS. I don’t post anything bashing our President. I think the only thing remotely “political” that could be seen as an attack on this administration would be my photos from the Women’s March. I’m not sure why someone would want to “Take A Break” from me…

Do you see what I’m doing? I’m obsessing. I still can’t stop thinking about how this person blocked me from seeing their posts. I don’t think I’m hurt, really, I mean we don’t agree politically so that’s probably a good idea, but…well…maybe I am hurt. I don’t know.

EITHER WAY I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

There’s also been drama in other groups I’m involved in and thinking about this drama does NOTHING and yet…YET…I can’t stop thinking about it. I called someone by the wrong name last year and I AM STILL BEATING MYSELF UP ABOUT IT. I word-vomited discussions about menopause in front of strangers a few weeks ago and I keep feeling the shame over and over again.

I just wish I could ZAP those thoughts. All of them. The ones that do NO GOOD. Stressing out about why someone wanted to “Take a Break” from me on Facebook and wondering if they know I know…THIS DOES ME NO GOOD.

AND YET…

Anyway. There’s no point to this post but to see if anyone else struggles controlling their own destructive and obsessive thoughts.

8 thoughts on “Obsessing about Obsessing.”

  1. Yes I do this a lot, usually about things I should or should not have said or done. I find myself going back to things over and over again and wondering why I’m doing it, because I can’t change anything and probably the other person involved has completely forgotten. Usually my way to make it stop for a little while is to read a book. But I can’t always do that

  2. This is how my OCD mainly manifests itself. I get an idea, any idea, in my head and that is all I can think about for days. “what would I do if I got a flat tire on the highway at 60 mph” for instance. It doesn’t have to be that, but that one is one I remember. I think about it constantly for DAYS. Substitute any social gaffe, or thing I think I did wrong at work, etc. Now, on Prozac I still get those ideas, but they last for 10 minutes or so and then I move on to more “normal” thoughts. I knew it was time to up the dosage last time because the thoughts wouldn’t go away for a couple of hours. Just my experience, YMMV.

  3. My husband has OCD which has been categorized as OOD – his compulsion is to obsess. It’s a hard hard life. He is so lucky, after a lifetime of therapy he finally found the perfect one he clicked with that actually helped him change his thought patterns and also found a med that worked.

    Have you tried mindfulness? That might help.

    Good luck girl.

  4. One thing to consider about your Facebook friend who “took a break” is that it may not be about you at all. Maybe she’s stepping back from Facebook entirely or culling her list for some reason.

    I’ve had times when I wanted to un-friend everyone and only be part of a couple good parenting/food groups, because Facebook is such a time suck or feeding other anxieties. It’s not personal at all, just a matter of limited hours in my day and how I choose to use that medium.

    Either way, her choice and you don’t need to obsess over it, at all. I second the recommendation for some meditation practice. Your brain is a muscle and it gets tired and falls back on bad habits, just like your legs. Building it stronger could help curb some of these obsessive patterns.

  5. Yup yup yup – fellow OCD/anxiety person here! When the wheels start spinning in my brain I literally image a big red stop sign, yell “stop” inside my head and force myself to think of something else. I’ve dealt with intrusive thoughts my whole life and this seems to help a little. Good luck my compadre in brain weirdness 🙂

  6. Have you heard of Byron Katie and The Work? It really helped me, not to control my thoughts, but to control my reaction to my thoughts. And a side effect of that is that my thought patterns have changed. It’s like how you can’t decide not to think about an elephant if someone tells you to. The fact of trying makes you think about nothing else. But if thinking about an elephant causes you no harm, it suddenly doesn’t matter anymore.

  7. When I shared I was struggling with this kind of stuff with a wise friend of mine, he said he does this: He looks to his left shoulder (the one on which this voice apparently resides…to have close access to our ear…) and says aloud, “Thank you for sharing. You may sit down now.” I know that sounds too simplistic, but it really does work. Then, you immediately replace that thought pattern with something productive. It helps to have a couple productive thought patterns already “prepared” as your “go to”. Haha. It is sort of a “delete and replace” thing. Good luck! I hope this works for you. It helps me a lot of the time.

  8. Yes, I do this all the time. I have used Headspace to help with meditation and it does help me acknowledge and then move on. As far as Facebook is concerned I am taking a break, which is difficult since so much of life is now connected with social media. If I go on Facebook then it is to participate in some group i am part of.

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