If I could have ONE magic power, it would be able to tell my brain to STOP THINKING A CERTAIN THOUGHT. Like, remember that time I thought that girl was going in for a hug and she was not? STOP REMEMBERING THAT, Zoot! Or when someone posts something ridiculous on Facebook? STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT, Zoot! Or when someone said something hurtful? STOP FEELING HURT, Zoot!
I’m telling you, if I could control my thoughts, so much of my mental health would be better. Because I have obsessive tendencies and I can’t stop thinking about things that DO NO GOOD TO BE THOUGHT ABOUT. It’s like I’m just a passenger in the car that anxiety is driving.
I just realized this morning that someone close to me “Took a Break” from me on Facebook. Evidently you “Take a Break” from a person and you can’t see their things and they can’t see yours. Perfect if you’ve broken up with someone and don’t want them seeing your social outings or you don’t want to see theirs. I guess it’s also perfect if you have a family member you disagree with politically? I don’t know. I always thought “unfollow” was sufficient, maybe others don’t. I have not been posting as much politically lately on Facebook. I mean, I tend to always post issue related things, like graphics outlining White Supremacy and petitions to end conversion therapy, but nothing about ACTUAL POLITICS. I don’t post anything bashing our President. I think the only thing remotely “political” that could be seen as an attack on this administration would be my photos from the Women’s March. I’m not sure why someone would want to “Take A Break” from me…
Do you see what I’m doing? I’m obsessing. I still can’t stop thinking about how this person blocked me from seeing their posts. I don’t think I’m hurt, really, I mean we don’t agree politically so that’s probably a good idea, but…well…maybe I am hurt. I don’t know.
EITHER WAY I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.
There’s also been drama in other groups I’m involved in and thinking about this drama does NOTHING and yet…YET…I can’t stop thinking about it. I called someone by the wrong name last year and I AM STILL BEATING MYSELF UP ABOUT IT. I word-vomited discussions about menopause in front of strangers a few weeks ago and I keep feeling the shame over and over again.
I just wish I could ZAP those thoughts. All of them. The ones that do NO GOOD. Stressing out about why someone wanted to “Take a Break” from me on Facebook and wondering if they know I know…THIS DOES ME NO GOOD.
Anyway. There’s no point to this post but to see if anyone else struggles controlling their own destructive and obsessive thoughts.