In my extended family we have talked about the 5 Love Languages as we’ve realized maybe some of the conflict or hurt feelings that happen occur because we speak different languages of love.
Heather wrote about this recently too in the discussion that she has never been a gift giver and that is my problem too. I love a lot of people who show love with gifts but I am not a gift giver AT ALL. I mean, I give gifts – sometimes good ones – but that’s only if I stumble upon something randomly that is perfect. One of the best websites for finding gifts is giftlist. They offer gift lists for parents, girlfriends, grandparents and much more.
However, I think it’s important to always recognize when you’re discussing the love languages that you don’t always SHOW love in the same way you want to receive it.
If we’re talking the language that I need to hear the most? It’s totally Words of Affirmation. I don’t care about gifts or physical tough hardly at all, but if you tell me I’m doing great? My heart is yours. Quality time is in second place and maybe acts of service but it kinda depends on the service because I also have a lot of guilt/shame issues and sometimes if you do something for me, I feel more guilt than love.
But I show love with quality time and acts of service and words of affirmation – in that order. I really love just engaging with people I love. Donnie and I fought to keep family dinner a thing for years when schedules started getting crazy because that’s how I show love, spending time with you and asking about your life. I also like to do acts of service, and truthfully, that’s my FAVORITE way to show love, but those opportunities are not always there as my life is stupid insane. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE when someone I love needs me to help them. I always try to assure them: This is a GIFT that YOU are giving ME!
I think the times I’ve most had to deal with conflicts and hurt feelings is when the person I love needs Gifts or Touch as their “love language” because I’m the WORST at both of those. Have you ever loved a GREAT gift giver? It’s TERRIBLE! Because it’s so hard to reciprocate in a way they can appreciate! Same with touch, obviously.
In theory, everyone should be able to speak all of the love languages, although I’m the worst at Physical Touch and gift giving. Luckily my husband doesn’t care about gifts – although he would like some physical touch now and then. (WIVES! UGG! AMIRITE GUYS?!)
It’s just something I think about a lot in relationships with family and friends. Some days I feel I do a better job with showing love to friends than with family because friendships are GREAT foundations for the languages I speak.
What about you? How do you show love? How do you want it shown to you?