This week has been a little too much. Monday was the only night we didn’t have something on the calendar but I had hit the road from a weekend in Nashville at 3am so Monday night was taken up doing ALL OF THE THINGS I NEEDED TO DO OVER THE WEEKEND. And then there was soccer and meetings and book clubs and Internet service calls and HVAC service calls and more soccer and more meetings and…
You get the point.
The thing is, I love all of it. I do. It just seems like lately there’s less and less unscheduled time in my life and I started thinking this morning that I needed to rectify that. I need a vacation without going on vacation or taking off work. I need just a week where I can say, “Sorry, I’m on vacation that week…” but not actually be on vacation because we can’t afford that. How do I pull that off? Can we solidify this idea and give it a name so I can just say, “Oh, this week is my __________,” so I can’t come to that meeting or do that thing that night.
Of course, I look at my calendar to try to find a week coming up where I could do that, where there’s nothing important already ON the calendar and you know what? NADA. No good weeks until Thanksgiving.
I don’t know how the rest of the world does it. I know parents with kids in SEVERAL extra curricular activities! Mine only do ONE each and that is TOO MANY. Of course, I have a lot of extra-curriculars I guess, but those things are really important to me. They help me feel like I have a life outside of “wife” and “mom” which I find is very necessary for my self-care. I just think I need to be better about scheduling. If someone is looking to plan a meeting I need to make sure that week doesn’t already have 3 activities during it. Right now I see an empty night and say, “That’s good for me!” Without paying attention to see if that was my ONLY empty night on the week. I think I need to be VERY conscious about having at least 2 clear nights every week to decompress or cook or do laundry or SOMETHING.
That’s what I’m going to do from now on. I’m going to be disciplined about NOT doing things. And I’m also going to re-examine my extra-curriculars and make sure they’re all bringing me joy. Or at least more joy than exhaustion…
I find it especially hard to say no to things I want to do, even when there are more of them than I can do (and retain my sanity, anyway). I have found it helpful to look ahead at the calendar and block off time when I know I may be at an energy low. I will literally put an event on my google calendar that is titled ***MAKE NO PLANS***. Even if you looked at your next few weeks and picked a night here or there to do that, it might help you out in the moment when something comes up, so you can say, “Oh, I wish I could, but I am busy that night” or however you want to phrase it.
Yes, what @ccr said – I put EVERYTHING on my calendar, including travel times. Even stuff like “Friday night dinner with the family.” “Monday afternoon pick up soccer tournament rosters.” “Clean house before PersonX comes over.” “Read book club book.” “Walk on trail.” I have to block that time.
It’s called creating whitespace. And we all need it. It’s intentional time to do what you really *want* to do; time to dream, plan, veg out if that’s what you need. Don’t feel guilty. It’s just as important a part of self care as therapy.
Gosh, I love what each lady said above. I was thinking the same thing — to actually make an appointment with yourself. Much like you, I work full time, then come home to a husband, two girls in girl scouts and ballet, PTA, and I’m also a full time student myself. I attended a conference on Friday and was supposed to attend yesterday also but told my husband I changed my mind — that I needed to be mom yesterday. ..laundry, dusting, halloween costumes, etcetc. My body had different ideas — after I dusted the bookshelves in the house and swept off the back porch, I took a 3 hour nap and sat on the couch the rest of the day. I complained a little how I felt so terrible for being so unproductive but I know I needed it. Let yourself recharge — you’re no good to anyone if you’re not good to yourself.