Voices in my head

We are “settled” into the new 980 sq ft apartment with a 10×20 storage until filled to the brim. There’s still a small carload of stuff at the house that has to be brought to one of the two places – and a crap ton of stuff for the garbage and Goodwill so there is still a lot of work to do this week. BUT! Living in this apartment is amazing for two reasons:

1) We no longer have the threat of a showing at every minute. We always insisted on 24-hour notice so we didn’t have to keep it PERFECT, but whenever we got it messy I knew in the back of my head I could be requested to clean it at any minute.

2) We can use our ALL of our space again. After we got new paint and carpet upstairs on the house, we put barriers up so the animals couldn’t get there and we moved all of the kids’ clothes and bathroom stuff to our room and bathroom. They had bedrooms to hold their stuff and sleep in, but that’s it. Now? I’m sitting on a couch I haven’t sat on in a year to type this blog. And the kids have their own areas they can use however they please. (Nikki is in the dining room, BUT IT IS HER DINING ROOM.)

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now because I’ve been so busy the last weeks (and will continue to be this week) and COMPLETELY out of pocket Saturday and Sunday that I’ve dropped tons of balls and have missed tons of things. I’m starting to feel left out because I keep missing stuff and it sounds like my Sunday Group run was super fast in my absence. (I could only find one shoe yesterday morning, the other one was back at the house it seems.) I have four voices talking/arguing in my head all the time.

VOICE 1: Everyone hates me and is mad at me for not doing the thing they needed me or wanted me to do.
VOICE 2: No one is mad at you. The truth is NO ONE cares you didn’t do that thing because no one even notices you’ve been out of pocket. You are truly insignificant.
VOICE 3: Who cares if either one of you are right! If they’re mad or don’t care about you, then they don’t deserve the emotional energy you’re giving them right now! Only give your energy people who deserve it! And no on deserves it which is why you should never leave the house again!
VOICE 4: You are all wrong. You are surrounded by kind and sympathetic people who love you and understand the stress you’re going through right now. They miss you but don’t hate you.

I’m trying my best to ignore the first three voices, and to give my credence to voice 4. She’s the smartest of the bunch.

We still have 5 days of chaos, still haven’t gotten the dishwasher repaired, still have a bunch of crap to deal with at the house and need to find a cleaner. And all of this on top of work this week and a couple of big obligations. So, we’re not completely out of the woods yet but I can see the clearing ahead and I know we’re close.

Thanks for being kind and patient with me. If you’ve commented or emailed me in the last week, I’ll probably never get to it. I’m sorry. Starting next week life should finally settle down for awhile until we start looking for houses again :).

But downsizing? It’s the best. We already feel so much lighter.

The pets are milking this chaos for all of the snuggles!

4 thoughts on “Voices in my head”

  1. Voice number 4 is right! You have lots of friends who care about you and miss you and understand the stress you are under right now! Tommy and I absorbed most of the NRLB group into my MM run. They stayed with us until Oshanessy point and went back from there. There was a faster group too that stayed ahead of us and Casey’s group did their own thing. You were definitely missed but we took care of it for you! Lisa and I managed about 20 miles. We bailed at Burritt. It was just too warm!

  2. Absolutely listen to voice number 4! I’m so glad to hear that you’ve made this much progress. You’re almost there! You can do it! And it will feel so good when it’s over.

  3. #4 for SURE, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE your “…I’ll probably never get to it” line. That level of honesty is inspiring. Thank you for modeling that for me!

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