One day at a time.

I’m dressed to go for a run. On a weekday.

This is normally not a big deal but several things the last couple of weeks have stood in my way of this previously habitual task. Back pain. Exhaustion. Headaches. Exhaustion. Poison Ivy. Exhaustion. Apathy.

None of those things are consequential and so there’s been no drama to my falling off of the wagon. No injury I need to recover from which has people asking me, “How long until you’re back?” No illness keeping me in bed with a fever which I can blame. No concrete and valid reason other than, “I’m kinda tired and sometimes my back really hurts.”

But mostly it’s apathy.

Once I accepted there’s no way I’ll be able to do 100 miles at my race in September and still maintain my needed sleep pattern (a pattern I saw proof that I needed at this experimental race), I’ve had very little drive to run. I kinda don’t care about running. Which sucks because running really is therapeutic and once you stop caring about the thing that was a source of therapy, you kinda notice.

So! I’m dressed and ready to head out this morning. I don’t have a lot of time so I’m going to try to squeeze in at least 4 miles. I ran on Saturday and was barely able to do 6 at a snail’s pace. It evidently does not take long for conditioning to disappear. I know it also comes back fast but only if you stick to it and I’m not sure I have the motivation to do that.

But I have the motivation today. One day at a time, right?