I was on a real estate shoot one day last week and I was tired as we had soccer tournament and just chaos in general was pervasive post wedding and birthdays and I had been shooting the outside of the house when the agent drove up and said, “Did you see our friend?”
I looked where she was looking and there was a giant snake right by the driveway where I had been standing moments before. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER BE TIRED.
“I think it’s dead,” she said and upon closer (from very far away) inspection it seemed to be. It didn’t look damaged but there were flies on it and it wasn’t moving.
I took a picture (from very far away) and sent my husband. “COOL!” he replied. And I rolled my eyes. Boys. They’re so predictable.
(I know! Snakes are great! But I’m the girl who is scared of left turns. OF COURSE I AM SCARED OF SNAKES.)
Later that night we were waiting for a soccer game to start and I saw the agent I had been working with had loaded a much better picture of the snake onto Facebook. She was obviously more brave than I was because my picture was from VERY VERY VERY FAR AWAY and hers was from right up close. I scrolled through the comments on the photo and then showed it to Donnie.
“Here’s a better picture of the snake from today.”
“Oh, jeez. That’s huge. Did you find out what kind it was?”
“Yeah,” (I had just read one of the responses on Facebook with the answer,) “it’s a Trouser Snake.”
And the look he gave me, y’all. It was a mixture of humor, embarrassment (on my behalf), and shame. I could tell he was also stifling a laugh and I thought to myself, What did I say? What’s funny about a Trou…oh shit.
TROUSER SNAKE? COME ON, KIM.
I mean, I know I’ve heard that as a euphemism dozens of times in my 40 years on this planet. WHY DID IT NOT REGISTER AS A JOKE WHEN I READ IT BEFORE? Obviously it was a joke in an unexpected place so it just seemed totally legit.
“Oh, duh. Sorry. Probably not a Trouser Snake. I just heard what I said in my head. My bad.”
To which Donnie laughed hysterically for the rest of the night.