Remember how I quit sleeping with my phone? That’s still going well. It’s averaging me at least an hour more sleep a night I think. The problem is, I have to remember to put on my watch so I’ll have a way to tell time. Before, I would check my phone which means I would see notifications which means I’d check the email/facebook/instagram instead of trying to go back to sleep. So! I woke up this morning and realized,”Shit. I’m not wearing a watch.”
I turned on the light (sometimes I put the watch next to the bed) but couldn’t find and and then was facing this really weird dilemma: Do I wake up? Or try to go back to sleep? I had NO idea what time it was, but I could try to guess? Based on how I felt?
It’s probably 3am…
I said to myself because that’s the whole reason why I gave up the phone in the first place. My body’s weird ability to wake up at exactly 3am was cramping my style. So, I tried to go back to sleep thinking, “If it’s 3am, I could sleep for another 30-45 minutes before I need to get up.”
But I couldn’t go back to sleep by that point.
So! I came downstairs and looked at the clock.
Meaning it was probably 3am when I woke up initially.
IT IS LIKE I AM A FREAKY ALIEN.
Here’s the thing about being an involuntary early riser – you feel like you should be so much more productive because you get extra time in your day. And – for a few days that’s true for me, especially since I’m way more motivated to be productive in the morning than in the evening. So a day when I wake up earlier than I need is a day when I get much more done in general.
When you’ve been fighting with sleep issues for awhile, you tend to carry a general sense of exhaustion around with you that permeates your every muscle. While I’ve been sleeping better since giving up the phone, I’m still not feeling 100% rested from the weeks before. So, this exhaustion that permeates your muscles…it tends to make you settle in somewhere and vegetate instead of actually being productive. I think that’s why I was able to binge-watch The Fosters this summer. Because it’s like: I’m awake. I can’t go back to sleep. But my brain is too tired to do anything worthwhile. So, I’ll sit and watch this girl on this show make the same mistake she’s made 100 times before and see if THIS time something different happens.
(I love the show. But damn, Cali! Are you not noticing a pattern here?)
So. I woke up at 3am this morning. And then I sat at the computer with 10 million things I need to do (photo mosaics and cute questionnaires for a shower I’m throwing this weekend) and all I could really do was stare at Facebook.
Oh. Look. Now someone is trying to say we should celebrate trophy hunting because people in Africa are terrified of Lions. I think this is the Step 5 of the 8 Steps Of Major Controversy In Social Media. Step 5: Someone Comes Out Against The Popular Opinion Of the Masses. Next will be Step 6: The Masses Turn Their Attention To The Person Who Was Against The Popular Opinion.
It’s frustrating because – before I was dealing with that perpetual exhaustion caused by new sleep problems – early mornings were my FAVORITE time. I didn’t mind the periodic 3am wakeup. But now? I stare blindly at something mundane until the 3rd cup of coffee kicks in and then I spend the whole day hating myself for being unproductive AND being exhausted.
BUT! It’s okay! Because I have found a system that works, it just didn’t work for last night because I forgot I to put my watch on. I AM IMPROVING. This exhaustion is fading with a week of better sleep. I’m also reading to fall asleep at night which is great because I had given that up for the “Surf Instagram” method of winding down. So while this entry may seem a little whiny, in general? My sleep issues are MUCH BETTER. And give myself another week or two of this better system and I’ll probably be feeling human again.
This week’s reading material: Between The World And Me.
The first book in a long time that warranted the use of a highlighter. THE INK KIND, NOT THE DIGITAL KIND.
So, I’ll deal with the exhaustion today knowing that I’m trending toward sleeping better without keeping the phone by my bed! And I’m reading more! Today will be exhausting but as long as I have a way to easily tell time, I’ll get some extra sleep tomorrow!
Now I’m going to go back to vegging out in front of the latest episode of The Fosters where the youngest child in the family is – by far – the wisest of the entire clan.