I listen to the “You Made It Weird” podcast with Pete Holmes. He’s a stand-up comedian (comedian-driven interview podcasts are my jam) and he does these interviews where he asks all sorts of pointed questions (making it weird, hence the title) and often one of them is, “When was the last time you cried?”
I always laugh when he asks that one because if it were me? I’d have to say, “Um…what kind of cry do you mean? Because I cry at least once a day at something.”
The first time I saw the trailer for Max I bawled like a damn baby. When E and I read The Fault In Our Stars we both described the crying we did as “ugly crying” because it was that slobbery, can’t-catch-my-breath, sniffling, sob that is about as ugly as it gets. It has now become the definition for the worst crying I know how to do, and that trailer for Max? Was most definitely a TFiOS cry. I haven’t watched another one since – even though I knew I’d want to see the movie. But I won’t see the movie until I’m by myself and am armed with kleenexes…because I know it will be a TFiOS cry. Also? The episode of The Fosters in season 2 when Lena has to give up her pregnancy due to the threat on her own life? TOTALLY A TFiOS CRY. Thankfully the TFiOS cry only hits me once every month or two.
When I used to listen to the radio back before iPods or cell phones, I would hear these commercials for On-Star which was (Is? Maybe it still exists?) was a service connected to your car that would allow you to immediately talk to an On-Star agent who could give you directions or call for a tow truck. One of them was a real recording of a little girl calling because her Mom had passed out and they were on the side of the road and she didn’t know what to do. Hearing that very real and very terrified voice talking about her Mommy that wouldn’t wake up? Always made me cry. Not a TFiOS cry, but a real cry with real tears, but tears that are easy to stop because I can rationalize away what is making me cry. I do the On-Star cry the most often. It hits me whenever I heard someone on NPR talking about something tragic going on around them. Not the news person, but the interviewee. Their voice and their very real pain will cause tears to suddenly form but I can usually stop them kinda quickly before anyone around me notices. The On-Star cry hits (on average) of at least once or twice a week.
I saw a YouTube video once of this woman who was suddenly being overwhelmed by cuddling needs of a small pony. It was totally adorable as the pony was obviously desperate for the love and petting and affection this woman was giving and the woman was laughing and loving every second of it and suddenly my eyes were wet watching it. No real tears, but wet eyes that I had no control over. Sometimes that sudden sensation forms the lone tear if the picture or the story or the video is long enough, but usually I see the trigger, the eyes get a little teary, and then the sensation will pass usually without anyone around me even knowing the tears kinda made a brief appearance. This is my Cute Animal Video cry because that is the dumbest thing in the world for a trigger…a cute animal. But it hits me DAILY, whether is a beautiful birthday message written on a friend’s wall or a video of a laughing baby…at least once a day something, somewhere, causes the eyes to go wet and me to get suddenly self conscious about being THAT GIRL WHO CRIES AT EVERYTHING.
I’ve gotten pretty decent at hiding it over my life because it is such an embarrassing condition, and sometimes I can brace myself in groups (like at weddings and funerals) and actually prevent it from happening, but not always. If I’m somehow the center of attention I can usually stifle it, but I sat in the back row of a funeral where I knew no one and cried like a baby recently. Mainly because I could and no one would care because they had no idea who I was.
But I happy-cry at 99% of the YouTube wedding videos that go viral. Even the ones that are meant to make you laugh. I’m the one crying because EVERYONE IS SO HAPPY, I CAN’T HELP IT. I cried the happy-cry several times a day at Harry Potter World. I mean, OF COURSE I DID.
So…yeah. The last time I cried? This morning. When I saw another Dog Freaks Out When Soldier Owner Comes Home video. I’ll definitely cry on the way to work when NPR does interviews with Syrian refugees. I’ll then cry again later at another, “First Time My Child Could Hear My Voice” video of maybe a, “Mother and Son Do Best Dance Ever At Wedding” video. Then I’ll read an article about a woman who elected to have a late-term abortion due to the health of the fetus and the recommendation of her doctor and I’ll sob over my phone. On the way home NPR will do a report about Cecil the Lion and I’ll tear up over that. I’ll come home and watch an episode of The Fosters which doesn’t make me cry as often as Parenthood (I had to stop watching that one because of that) but does hit me in the feels at least once every 2-3 episodes. I’ll goof off on the internet at the end of the day and catch a video of Surprised Snorkelers Get To Play With Seals and I’ll happy cry a little before bed.
When was the last time you cried?