Agnostic Humanist In The South

Perpetually Drowning In Tidal Waves Of Love.

(True Story: That blog title up there? Had a typo for awhile. It said “Wives” instead of “Waves” and I almost left it because it made me laugh but this entry is SERIOUS, y’all. So I corrected it.)

I got back from my trip super-late (1am. I realized I should be specific because you all know me too well and may think “super-late” was 10pm) on Monday evening and have spent my only free time since then (not at work or sleeping) frantically getting my life back in order. Not having my daily blogging has made me slightly insane so I’m happy to finally have some time this morning to get my word therapy in.

I have SO many things to write about. How wonderful and energizing Breckenridge was…How my brother and sister-in-law inspire me to be a better Mom…How I lost weight on my trip because I was active and healthy but gained it back 48 hours after I returned home because all of my stress and anxiety returned…How I had an epic Mom Fail last night and yelled at my daughter even though she was helping me get the house ready for a showing…How I discovered Daylight Donuts and I like them better than Krispy Kreme…

SO MANY THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT. But then yesterday I heard a stay-at-home Mom of 3 elementary school children reference the SCOTUS gay marriage ruling and Caitlyn Jenner and use those two things as proof that (and notice the quotes) the world is, “full of sin and we just have to keep praying for God’s forgiveness and hope these people find salvation in Jesus.”

If this was a one time thing I’d probably just let it slide and not do a blog entry about it, but I live in the heart of bible country where a lot of Christians build their faith around a fundamentalist interpretation of the bible and that lends itself to this type of attitude, so I see it often. This idea that the world is “full of sin” and that the “devil is all around us” and we have to have constant vigilance because everyone is bound for the fires of Hell without accepting Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

I am not mocking this belief, I’m just explaining it in case you don’t life in a community with this prevalent form of Christianity. This phrasing, these words, I hear and see these every day.

Y’all? This makes me SO VERY SAD.

I know I’m just a very privileged white cisgender married woman, but I feel like I’m surrounded by beauty and love and compassion and that this world around me is full of people who want to make it better with their love and their sweat and their tears. I look at people like Malala Yousafzai who have seen the darkest of evil as she fights for something as simple as an education and yet she stills find beauty and hope in the world around her. I look at activists who fight for their causes – ending systemic racism, saving mistreated animals, fighting for legal status of the transgender community – they fight with their words and their rallies and even they see hope in small changes that their communities bring to them.

I am blessed to hear voices every day preaching about hope and community and love; and those voices inspire me to do the same and yet…YET…there are still these pockets of people around me who see nothing but sin and the Devil and I just don’t understand…how does someone live like that? How does someone only see a bright future if people are joining their Faith? How can someone look at my community and see all of the sin instead of all of the love?

This is probably a rant only a few people will nod their heads at because most of you all don’t live in communities with this type of religious dominance, but every time I see a reference to “all of the sin” and how our only hope is “with Jesus” and how our world is going to keep seeing “dark days” if we don’t “trust in the Lord” – I just want to cry because that means – in that narrative – someone like me adds no light to their world as long as I’m without Jesus. That means that they look at their world and see darkness and sin and the Devil and only see light and hope within their religious communities or their ministries. They don’t see the hope that someone like Malala Yousafzai brings because her goal is to get children educated, not rid them of the Devil and of Sin. She doesn’t work to bring people to Jesus, she works to bring education to poor communities and that’s not light without their God.


I just am always blown away by the beauty of people around me. I don’t know what kind of person Caitlyn Jenner is, I don’t know her heart, but I’ve seen an outpouring of love and support for her and I see that love and it makes the world better, I guarantee it. I saw dozens of cisgendered people in heterosexual relationships (I don’t assume someone is straight just because they’re in a heterosexual marriage) change their profile pictures to rainbows after the SCOTUS ruling basically showing their support for my kid, albeit indirectly. My kid who saw those profile pictures too and told me how many he was shocked by many and how happy it made him. I have friends who came up to me after that ruling, friends of different religions and backgrounds, friends who said, “I was happy too!” They know how much that meant to me and my family and they wanted me to know they’re happy too.

Love. Love. Love. Everywhere I saw love. I didn’t see sin or the devil or a need for global salvation. I saw love. And maybe I’m just blessed to be surrounded by that kind of community, but for whatever the reason, I’m glad to have it. I’m glad you all inspire me every day to be better, even if I live outside of your Faith or your Church. I’m inspired by people from all walks of life and I’m sad that others can’t see that beauty and that love and that support around them. I’m sad that many are just praying for our community and that we all find the salvation that Jesus’ death brought them. I’m sad because they’re so busy praying for people like me to be saved that they are missing out on the life-changing tidal wives of love that are washing over people like me every day.

Don’t pray that I find Jesus. Instead, offer prayers of gratitude to your God that I found the Love of community and family and friendship and that I am inspired by the people around me every day to be happier, to make the world better, and to add my light to any darkness I find.

16 thoughts on “Perpetually Drowning In Tidal Waves Of Love.”

  1. Hmmm… maybe I am weird, but I can agree with the woman you referenced and you at the same time. I believe loving others is the way to point them to Jesus. I am so ineloquent that I don’t talk about this stuff much, and I am afraid of being misunderstood and judged… but I want to let you know that I would never believe that you add no light to the world, just because you don’t share my belief in Jesus. I may not agree with her reasons for her statement (“the world is full of sin…”) but I can agree with it without it causing me to be blind to all that is good in the world, even when that good comes from those whose belief system may be different from mine.

    You challenge me to be a better person, Kim. How can that not be good?

  2. Karen – I understand! I tried to be very specific with her reference because I know the “world is full of sin” is a common sentiment in the Christian Faith and it’s not that I disagree with having that view point at all. I just hate that what she saw as a reminder that the world was full of sin, did just the opposite for me and my family. The SCOTUS ruling and the media spotlight on Caitlyn Jenner showed me even MORE love in my community, whereas for this woman, it reminder her of the ever present evil and sin in the world. So I totally understand the sentiment you agree with, I just felt it so unfortunate that the same catalyst showed she and I just drastically different things, if that makes sense?

  3. Like I said in yesterday’s tweet, I missed you!

    I love that you see (and point out!) so much love in the world. I’m so happy with the ruling and that love prevailed!

  4. I can’t understand how love can be a sin, no matter who someone loves. That is why I am so happy with the SCOTUS ruling. That way your son, my kids & your kids, my sister’s young friends, my daughter’s friend’s Moms, my good friend’s sister, my brother-in-law’s wife’s sister, friends from school, and anyone who I didn’t think of at the moment can marry who they love. I can’t imagine what Caitlyn Jenner is going through, but I can certainly understand that she needs to be herself, and so do others like her. I see the love too!

  5. I started typing a comment four different times, but I kept deleting because OMG SO MUCH LOVE AND HAPPINESS NOT ENOUGH WORDS.
    I’m from Ann Arbor. I’m pretty sure we are known for two things: biggest college football stadium ever, and being super liberal.
    For me, it is extremely rare (but always unsettling) to hear anyone make a disparaging comment about someone based on the their sexual identity or orientation. That said, I have to say I was surprised by the SCOTUS decision. I think it was the correct decision, I am overwhelmingly happy that it was made…I guess I just didn’t realize that the rest of this country has started to support LGTBQ rights the way we always have, here. I feel the tidal waves of love, too, is what I’m trying to say.

  6. All I know is that the UU Church here in Ann Arbor, MI was filled to the BRIM with joy the Sunday after the SCOTUS ruling. There was applause. Tears. Laughter. Kisses. But we also acknowledged that the work isn’t over. We still need to live justly and kindly, and as an example to others who may not feel so positively about the LGBTQ community. Live and lead by example. Always.

  7. Oh hey! (waves to the commenter above)

    From Ann Arbor area too. Represent! Yay Michigan! America’s High Five!

  8. Hello, Michigan friend! I’ve been looking for a church, actually. Would you mind sharing yours? There is one in Ann Arbor that I’ve been meaning to try…I’m not sure of the name, but I have a few former classmates that attend, and it seems like it could be a good fit. Now I’m wondering if it’s the same place…brb.

  9. Lisa, do you know anything about the “blue ocean” church? That’s the one I’ve been thinking of trying, but I’m totally open to suggestions.

  10. This post hit me right in the guts. I grew up in this sort of environment, this exact sort of language being used around me all the time. And I no longer believe, but the wounds of those kinds of words STILL LINGER. I am still afraid of God punishing me, still afraid that I need to repent some sin like, I don’t know, not deferring to my husband, still think I’m not a GOOD ENOUGH PERSON because of religious fundamentalism.

    You do such a great job of putting it into words. I struggle to explain it to my husband even, because it’s so foreign to him. “What, really?” is his common refrain. And not because he’s anti-Christian, but because of the rhetoric and the single mindedness of a particular set.

  11. Kim, I missed you. I am mostly a running person, so I don’t comment on religion usually. I did live in Huntsville though, so I do understand the overwhelming “Jesus” religious stuff there.

    The God I myself believe in (who is a version of the Christian Deity) embraces all, whether they believe in her or not. She’s pretty cool and accepting. So maybe us Christians aren’t all of the same stamp. In any case, you and all of yours are loved by a Universe.

    You are raising fine human beings and that is the right thing to do. In any secular or religious content.

  12. Oh, no – I definitely don’t believe even MOST Christians believe that way! Not even here! Most of my friends are Christian and almost ALL of them celebrated the love of the day 🙂

  13. Hi there! Nope, I don’t know anything about the Blue Ocean church. I attend the Unitarian Universalist church on the west side of AA. Then I usually go grocery shopping on Sunday. Gotta feed the spirit and the tummy, you know.

    My recommendation to you is to attend a few services, sip on the coffee and eat the donuts (mmm donuts), and chat with members of any prospective place where you want to hang your spiritual hat. Sooner or later, hopefully you’ll find a place that fits. Or not! That’s OK too! 🙂

  14. I don’t like to discuss sexuality, politics, or religion because it usually ends up in a big argument.

    So let’s talk about donuts, shall we?

    I grew up in the motherland land of Daylight Donuts, Oklahoma. I have always thought they were the best donuts on earth. Krispy Kreme? Puh-lease. Dunkin Donuts? No thanks. But (big but) then I moved to Iowa. I moved from a town with three Daylight Donut shops to a place with four shops in the whole stinking state! Four! My husband and I were driving through a town about 40 minutes away from our house one day and I spotted a shop. I yelled, “Stop the car!” He whipped over to the curb and I was out the door and running down the sidewalk before the tires stopped turning. I may have even been yelling, “Dooooooonuuuuuuuuts!” I don’t get to have them as much as I would like to, which is probably a good thing, but from time to time, I have to make a donut run.

    The Daylight Donuts in my hometown back in Oklahoma makes an apple fritter so big, it has to be in a box by itself.

    Great. Now I need a donut run. 🙂

  15. “Don’t pray that I find Jesus. Instead, offer prayers of gratitude to your God that I found the Love of community and family and friendship and that I am inspired by the people around me every day to be happier, to make the world better, and to add my light to any darkness I find.”


    I consider myself really lucky to live in Silicon Valley where seeing a kaleidoscope of people is the norm. However, I grew up in a VERY conservative area so I totally get what you are saying here. I am SO VERY GLAD that I moved here in time for my daughter to grow up understanding that we love people because of their hearts and actions, not their religious affiliation. That our lesbian best friends (who she calls her Godmothers) are just as deserving as her super conservative blood relatives.

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