Last week was RUFF, y’all. But! I think I’m finally caught up on sleep to the point that I might not actually sob randomly throughout today. WOO! I feel like now I have NO excuses, I have to get my shit together re: fitness and food. I stepped on the scale and I’m at 15lbs gained from my “happy” weight since I started getting fit and running in 2010. I was at that weight last Spring, but gained 5 over the summer and kinda kept it on. I gained 5 over the Fall/Winter and kinda kept it on. And I’ve gained 5 in the last 4 weeks of post-Grand Slam/Stress/Sickness/Weather storm of sadness and if trends predict accurately, those 5lbs will be sticking around too.
It’s funny, when you gain weight 5lbs at a time, you can easily discount it as “just 5lbs.” But then suddenly you’re 15lbs past where you were when you felt the fittest/healthiest and you’re like, “Wait. I thought it was just 5lbs?”
And – as a disclaimer – I know the scale is not a great evaluation of health. But, for me, I know that the numbers going UP on the scale coincide with my fitness dropping and my stress-eating increasing. So, it’s a convenient way to measure that. This body is not my healthiest body, not because of what the scale says. But what the scale says is a reflection of the negative changes in my lifestyle, so for me? It’s a good measurement. If you’re making positive changes in your lifestyle and the scale doesn’t reflect that? Screw it. There are 90 million reasons why it’s not an accurate reflection. But when you ate 3000+ calories several days this week and only exercised once? Then it’s okay to use the scale as a measurement tool.
(I feel like I have to put that disclaimer in so no one thinks my ONLY determination of a need to change is the number on the scale.)
So. My newest fad/gimmick (I AM THE WORST!) to help me with meditation (I finally looked in to the Headspace App, and unless I’m looking at the wrong one, it’s $12.99/month or $95/year and I can’t justify that right now.) are Mala Beads. I used to pray the hell out of the Rosary in my Catholic days, so Mala Beads have always intrigued me as a prayer/meditation tool. I think I’m going to make my own set, as I’ve been doing a lot of reading about it and they seem to be useful as a tool to focus on with intention so it seems like a good thing to make myself, as I can really think about my intention as I’m stringing the beads.
Also, they’re SUPER expensive. AND? It feels really weird to just “order online” something like this. Maybe it’s because I still have a very reverent feeling towards a Rosary, so it seems weird to casually place a prayer tool in an online shopping cart.
SO! That’s my goal this week. To make my own set of Mala Beads to hold while I make my very feeble attempts to meditate. I think my “affirmation” I should focus on with each bead the first time I use them will be, “I will really try to give meditation a try, instead of just talking about giving it a try non-stop every day until I die.”
I think that’s a super-meta affirmation for a set of Mala Beads, which might be the double whammy I need to get my brain in that type of therapy. It’s like I know with EVERY OUNCE OF MY SOUL that meditation is perfect for someone with my specific anxiety issues, but I just can’t seem to actually focus time/energy on giving it a dedicated effort. It’s like the part of me that needs meditation is the same part of me that sabotages my efforts to apply it to my life.
Meditation is a great way to focus your mind. One of my friends is actually a newly qualified yoga teacher so often tells me about all the different ways taking time to be at one with the world can benefit your physical and mental well being. If you would like to find out more about becoming a yoga teacher, click here to find out more.
SO! MALA BEADS! It’s my latest gimmick to get me on the meditation bandwagon! Do you use them?