The One Where I Pretend I Believe In Astrology.

I know nothing about astrology and had never heard of the concept of “mercury in retrograde” until I read this post from Heather recently. It’s been referenced a few times since then, and y’all? If my life is any indication? I AM A BELIEVER.

(Yes. I know. It’s not real. But sometimes it feels good to just have something to blame.)

I went to my appointment yesterday to meet with Wesley’s therapist. Earlier that morning, when I told Wes that was on my schedule he said, “Oh! He’s so nice. You’ll like him.” I was excited as it was a reminder that – since we’ve started on the path to professional help – how much stress has been removed from my life. It just feels good to have a plan. And someone qualified to help you on that plan.

I got to the doctor’s office and there was bright pink paper on the door with a long letter covering two pages. I did a quick scan as I opened the door and saw it referenced problems, regret, and my insurance. The alarms went off as I thought, “Oh, great. Are they going to stop taking my insurance?” I walked in and the same pink papers were all over the lobby, including by the check-in desk. As I signed in I said, “I haven’t read this whole thing but I think it affects me because I saw it mentions my insurance.”

“It affects everyone. We’re closing.”


Yep. The only doctors that take our insurance within driving distance (not even in my town, remember) all are part of a larger group that is shutting down next week.

I talked to Wes’s therapist a bit, but he was just as shocked. He’s in “find a new job” mode and experiencing his own stress as SO MANY people with his qualifications are also now looking for a job. And even if he finds another practice to work with, they probably won’t take our insurance. That lobby was FULL of people experiencing a full range of emotions because – COME ON – we all just lost our doctors. Some had been seeing the same therapist for more than 10 years. And now? DONEZO.

Imagine being treated for an injury, or a disease like cancer, walking into your doctor and finding out, “Hey! Shutting the doors! You won’t get your meds any more and there are no other doctors that take your insurance!” For us, this is a new part of our lives, but we were happy it was in our lives. For others, this is as important and necessary as dialysis. It’s a regular medical intervention to treat an illness…AND NOW IT’S GONE.

The local news interviewed me about it yesterday. I have no desire to watch the segment, but I think I’m in it. Here’s the segment if you want to watch it. Please don’t tell me if I said or did anything stupid. I have done several interviews in my life for various reasons and have never watched any of them, I have no desire to see myself on camera because that is something you can’t unsee and I fear my insecurities would keep me from every agreeing to do things like that again.

SO! SQUARE ONE! Such a fun thing to do all over again, right?

I sobbed in my van yesterday. I ate a bunch of donuts. I drank beer. I doodled. I cried some more. But today? Today I’m good. Or, at least, better. Do I have a plan? No. I’m going to make an appointment with our pediatrician and see what she recommends. Remember, we skipped that step the first time since we were switching doctors. I’m going to stay in communication with my insurance because they have to cover SOMEONE within’ driving distance, RIGHT? DAMMIT? I’m going to keep re-listening to Harry Potter because it’s keeping me calm. I’m going to try to go for a run (I haven’t been running at all) and maybe shower (Don’t ask).

Either way, I’m okay. Yesterday? Not so much. Today? Ready to roll.

15 thoughts on “The One Where I Pretend I Believe In Astrology.”

  1. Hey,
    I am such a long time lurker, but I really want to tell you how much I respected your choice to be vocal about your son’s issues and the difficulty you had getting them resolved. I cannot tell you how bad I feel for you with this situation, but I do believe you have shown incredible strength, integrity and courage over many years, and you will find a way.

  2. How terrible! I thought you were great on the news segment, and good for you for being willing to speak up. Hope your ped has some ideas for you.

  3. I am so sorry this has happened! I don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner, but our town has a mental health service run by the county government. I used to work for them doing early intervention, and they offered counseling to all ages. There were social workers and clinical psychologists on staff who only worked with children. They billed insurance but had a sliding scale for people w/o insurance. Your town is much bigger than the one I live in so it probably offers something like this. I’m sorry it took me so long to remember this and suggest it!

  4. So sorry! This totally sucks! Praying that you will find the help you need through your pediatrician.

  5. Given the fact that there are no doctors in your network within X number of miles, is there a way to file some sort of hardship exception with the insurance company to get coverage at a different doctor? I’ve heard of people doing that sort of thing to get coverage with a specific specialist before.
    I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this!

  6. Well, you looked and sounded completely adorable. So, there’s that, at least.

  7. Oh no! Sorry you are going through all of this just to get help! Please don’t take what I’m about to say as ass-vice as I was starting to write some words of encouragement, I realized I actually know a few things on the subject that might be helpful. Hang in there!
    1) I have a family member that works for a psychiatrist and she has told me before there are laws about how many days between notifying patients and when they can close and getting patients referred to new providers…. but maybe that is just in my state?
    2) In our community, we have a provider that offers a sliding pay scale for patients so that people can afford to get help if they don’t have insurance. I would think this would also apply to situations where they don’t have contracts with a certain provider. Not sure if there might be something similar there.
    3) I used to do customer service at an insurance company and we had a process to approve it so that customers could see providers that we wouldn’t normally cover if there was no covered provider within a certain mileage of their house. I’m not sure if that was just a company policy or if that is dictated by law (many, many things in health insurance are required by law). It is worth a try since you have had such a hard time finding someone close.
    4) Depending on your health insurance, you may be able to still see a provider that isn’t in their network, but you will just have to pay a higher percentage of the cost.

  8. I’m so sorry to hear this news! So discouraging. It shouldn’t be this HARD! Best of luck to you guys as you search for a new therapist.

    (You were great on the segment, at least!)

  9. That freaking sucks. I remember when I first sought out a therapist, and how intimidating and unfamiliar it was to find someone and make an appointment. Now, realizing there is no one in your insurance that is local, has got to make that first step seem even bigger.

    I encourage you to start at your Pedi and see what this new one has to say. Beyond that, I’d plead with the insurance and see if there is a policy for out of network coverage if a local covered specialist doesn’t exist. The worst they can say is no (which is no worse off than you currently are), but the best is that they give you a special case to see someone in town.

    Good luck Kim. I know you can do this and come out the other side.

  10. Some insurance companies will cover someone techncially out of network if there’s no one within network in your area – it’s worth checking into, but knowing how insurance companies work probably requires going through a lengthy appeals process. UGH. My sympathies.

  11. You were great on the news segment. Very articulate and your hair was in braids!!

  12. That is so heartbreaking, this is a scary world now!
    You did great and looked good! I was impressed .
    Praying that you and all the others find the help they need.
    “Insurance” is going to kill all of us , not save us. 🙁

  13. Arrrrrgh! That sucks. I know I would be set adrift if my shrink had to stop seeing me for some reason. I hope you find another provider (that Wes likes) soon.

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