(Should I stop falling on that Friends titling gimmick? Does anyone even get that anymore? If you don’t know – every episode title of Friends started with “The One…” And often I used that gimmick on my blog because I loved Friends but is that reference outdated now? DOES THAT AGE ME? I am so old.)
Okay! So, here’s a funny story. Yesterday someone ask why I didn’t go to my pediatrician first in regards to Wesley’s behavior! Isn’t that funny? I mean…of course not! Why would anyone start with their pediatrician in regards to their child’s health?
Oh. Wait. I am an idiot.
Seriously. The more I think about it the more part of me says, “Duh, Kim. Of course that’s where you should have started. You might be the dumbest person on the planet.”
I mean – how much stress would that have saved me? First of all – referrals probably help a whole HELLUVA lot when it comes to dealing with insurance. Second of all – she probably would have been able to tell me exactly what type of doctor we needed (we are avoiding medications, so we’re nervous about psychiatrists) or what services to go through.
But, the defensive part of me also thought: No one told me to see my pediatrician first!
And you know what? I’m guessing the reason why no one told me that? THEY ASSUMED I HAD ALREADY DONE THAT BECAUSE IT’S THE MOST OBVIOUS STEP IN THE WORLD.
So! Before we go around thinking “Kim’s an idiot!” – I do feel like I should clarify. Here’s a few important notes regarding me an pediatricians:
- My Dad never took us to doctors for anything, so I have a weird perspective on when you go to a doctor. I went for an ear infection once as an adult and the first thing the doctor did after looking at my ear was say, “WOAH. This looks really bad. Why did you wait so long? If we had treated this when it first started you wouldn’t have needed pain pills. But now you obviously do.” No, doctor. I didn’t come earlier because I’m still not sure how much pain/illness is appropriate for doctor’s visits because my Dad never took me to a doctor for anything ever.
- Our first pediatrician we had for the little ones had a waitroom time of about 2 hours. We loved her, but you had to just about ask for half of a day off just to take the kids in to the office, so we saved it for last resort until we found a new pediatrician 3 years ago!
- But the new pediatrician had a snarky voice/attitude and three separate times made me feel REALLY stupid and so I kinda stopped wanted to ever see him…ever.
So…those three things combined show that my natural instinct is not to call my pediatrician first. We even have a new one! So you would think reason #3 and reason #2 are null and void! But did I think of it? No! Partly because reason #3 may have burned me forever. I still can’t stop the voices in my head that says, “The doctor is going to think you’re stupid.” But also because reason #1 is still so ingrained in me. I think my logic was that I knew I needed a mental health care provider and I knew my insurance wouldn’t cover just whichever one I chose (I learned that one with the first search) so I knew I needed to talk to my insurance before making an appointment. But it never occurred to me that my pediatrician could be a help during any of that searching/referring.
Part of me really wants to laugh at my own idiocy.
But then, you know? I don’t feel too bad because I know the majority of the problem was I’ve never really established a good relationship with my pediatrician. But the good news is that I have a new one as of about 6 weeks ago so…maybe this is just a good reminder of what a good relationship can do, and a good motivator to build a good relationship with this doctor.
So! Monday I’m calling the pediatrician to make the annual checkup appointments for my kids. (We hadn’t done the last yearly visits at the old doctor yet because we had kinda grown to hate him, and were hoping we’d find a new one. So, they’re both overdo.) I’m going to go to try to go into this leaving all of my old baggage at home. I’ll remind myself a million times that this doctor is NOT the same as the last one and will NOT make me feel stupid with every little problem. (Once my old pediatrician actually snarked to me when I told them that my daughter’s last “fever” check was 99.8, “Um. Do we need to talk about what is an actual fever? That’s not an actual fever.” I still cringe a little in shame when I think about that moment. I mean…that wasn’t her only symptom! I wouldn’t have brought her in for a 99.8 fever if that was the only thing off! ARG. I STILL FEEL DEFENSIVE AND SHAMEFUL AND THAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO.) I need to leave the OLD doctor baggage behind and try to build a relationship with the new doctor that is NOT tainted by my fears of feeling like an idiot every time I walk through the door.
Be honest with me now…how many of you assumed I had already talked to my pediatrician about Wesley’s behavior issues? Or how many of you are like me and totally would have started with the insurance first? I’m trying to gauge on a scale of 1-10 how obvious it was that I should have started with his pediatrician. (10 being “OBVIOUSLY”, obvious and 1 being where I fell on the spectrum.)