We’ve discussed before how some of us are really sensitive to embarrassing moments, right? Well, have I got two stories for you then!
First – I had an embarrassing moment out and about the other day while the kids and I were running errands getting ready for the start of school. One of those things happened that are embarrassing to me, but the kids didn’t notice. After the embarrassing moment passed, I kept doing that thing you do as you relive a recent embarrassing moment in your head. I kept verbally responding to myself saying things like, “Oh, man,” or, “Ug, no, no,” or, “Jeez.” Yes, it’s kinda like talking to yourself, but it’s involuntary, so it’s different. And also may indicate I’m insane. Who knows.
So, Nikki and I are sitting waiting on something and I’m looking at my phone but replaying this moment in my head and to stop myself from replaying it (SO. EMBARRASSED.) I say, “Oh, man…” out loud. So, she looks at my phone and says, “What?” And I say, “Oh, nothing.” Because, you know, how do you explain your own insanity to your daughter? Except the moment was SO fresh in my life (it had JUST happened) that I kept doing it. INVOLUNTARILY. The next time I said, “Ug. Jeez.” And of course she looks at me (this time I wasn’t even holding my phone to cover my own insanity) and said, confusingly, “What?” To which I frustratingly said, “NOTHING.” Because, JEEZUS, CHILD…quit acknowledging your mother’s insanity.
And y’all? This was early Monday. The moment was embarrassing enough, that I kept doing the vocal/auditory tick and Nikki kept saying, “What?” ALL DAY. While we ran errands, while I worked, while I cooked, while I cleaned. ALL DAY. She finally started realizing something was going on that she was not understanding and was getting frustrated that I was responding with mild shock (at my own idiocy, of course) at something she could not see or understand. And I was getting frustrated that I couldn’t just cope with my own idiocy in my own certifiably insane way without some third party recognizing said insanity.
WHY CAN’T I JUST BE THE CRAZY LADY WHO TALKS TO HERSELF LIKE I WANT TO BE?
The embarrassment faded after Monday, but I still did it a few times yesterday and finally told Nikki, “Listen. If I’m not talking TO you, then it’s probably of no concern TO you.” Which does nothing but make her really think I’m losing my mind.
So! There’s that fun story!
(Sidenote: I just kinda let the moment play out in my head again and THIS time my involuntary response was to groan and cover my face. Had Nikki been here right now she would have looked at the computer, seen nothing exciting and been all, “WHAT????”)
And now for the second fun embarrassment story.
You know how if you’re really sensitive to embarrassment, the potential for embarrassment can even be a trigger? How a near miss can cause you to break out in hives? Well. Yesterday I had one of those but for the kids. Like, a moment that could have SCARRED MY KIDS FOR LIFE, it would have been so embarrassing. And I keep looking back and THANKING GOD that it didn’t happen.
After I dropped the kids off to their FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, when EVERY parent is there walking their kids in, and all of the kids are reuniting for the first time after a long summer so everyone is hyper-aware and alert to the people around them…AFTER I left them inside (THANK GOD) do you know what I did?
I busted my ass. In front of the school and the drop off line and the incoming parents and teachers and IT WAS AWFUL.
Now. I was embarrassed, totally. But I fall all the time so it wasn’t too big of a deal for me personally. BUT. I kept replaying that over but thinking about the WHAT IF factor of it. WHAT IF I had done that while the kids were still with me? HOW HORRIBLE WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN? I tried to imagine if my parents or a grown-up I had been with had busted their ass in front of all of my friends…how mortifying would that have been? SO VERY MORTIFYING. I am just beyond grateful my klutziness waited 10 minute before showing it’s face. That might have haunted their nightmares FOREVER.
So. My first-day-of-school week has been fun. How about yours?