Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Guess What! I’m stressed! I know! That’s never a topic of conversation around here, is it? Me? Stressed? Anxious? On Edge? Terrified? Mortified? Uneasy? None of those words are ever used to describe anything I’m ever feeling! What a change of pace and tone for me to be writing about anxiety! WEIRD. THIS IS ALL NEW TERRITORY OVER HERE.

(I evidently took too many sarcasm supplements today.)

It should come as NO surprise that I’m a wee bit stressed. We have officially decided to stay here and not relocate to New Hampshire. While it’s a relief to have THAT decision out of the way (which was an INCREDIBLY difficult decision) now we enter the zone of…Finding A Job Before The Office Closes. And this is not a fun zone to be in. And it’s full of regret and doubt since that INCREDIBLY difficult decision left behind a guaranteed job.

SO, basically, I’ve been eating my feelings for 2 weeks solid now.

It should come as NO surprise that I’ve gained 8lbs faster than I’ve ever gained 8lbs in my ENTIRE LIFE. If I was in a weight gaining contest, the percentage of weight I just gained in the amount of time I gained it should win me some kind of Emotional Eaters Of American trophy.

It doesn’t help that Ben & Jerry’s has all of these new flavors of ice cream out. And I must try them all. And by “try” I mean “eat an entire pint in one siting” because you really can’t decide how you feel about an ice cream unless you eat an entire pint in one sitting.

But, last night I realized that Donnie is stressed too. And he doesn’t get stressed. Not really. And since it is HIS stress and NOT mine, I felt kinda selfish taking possession of it all and using it as an excuse to eat 2 plates of nachos for dinner. So, I crammed my face full of cookies and then went to bed deciding, This is it. I’m not taking this anxiety as my own and eating my weight in spinach dip because of it. Instead, I’m going to be a supportive wife and try to be there as a strong support system for my husband which I can do better if my face is not buried in a bowl of Cool Ranch Doritos.

I just felt selfish, all of the sudden. Like I was taking possession of all of the stress in our lives and using it as a crutch to explain my binging. And while I do have a right to be stressed, this is his stress. It does, of course, impact my life…but it’s his job and career and I need to try to use that same energy that I use to inhale a dozen donuts and try to focus it on him instead.

Just think of us, okay? Both of us?

7 thoughts on “Wash, Rinse, Repeat.”

  1. You got it. Sending all the good vibes to you guys, you need them more than I do. I do understand where “you” are coming from though, my husband and I went through as similar situation in the last few years and it sucked. He was stressed and I was stressed and yet I felt like I couldn’t show my stress as I had to bolster him up. It worked out, but boy it was no fun at the time. Hang in there sweetie.

  2. I’m thinking of both you too. Good luck. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the Askamanger blog but she has tons of good tips and helped me a great deal when I was job searching.

    Also I also take on all the stress….it’s hard to let it go.

  3. It’s a tough decision either way. I know y’all will make it work for the best. Your blogosphere loves you – both of you!

  4. I’ve been there, turning my husband’s stress into mine. And it is so easy for me to do, since I am the vocally stressed and emotional one. Kudos to you for picking up on it. It reminds me of labor, when he had to put aside all of his stress and worry and just be there for me. (Or, to be completely honest, it reminds me of when he got all “me me me” during my 12th hour of labor and I got snippy with him.) Being the support person is tough, and putting aside your own worries and feelings is very tough, since they are very real and legitimate worries and concerns.
    My husband and I, we are movers. We’ve moved (for his job) five times in 13 years. But we’ve never left behind family and really being rooted in our community. Not that an internet stranger’s opinion means much, but I totally get why you guys are not moving.

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