I Think I’d Rather Rappel Down A Building Again

Update at the end of the entry!

Remember that time I rappelled down a building for a fundraiser? Remember how terrified I was and I said I’d never do it again?

I’d rather do it again this morning at 5:30am instead of what I’m actually going to be doing.

(Not really.)

(Except, maybe really.)

This is something I enthusiastically I agreed to do because, “Yay! I get to see my friends! I haven’t seen them in ages!”

But suddenly now I’m realizing THIS IS A BAD IDEA. I AM AN IDIOT. WHAT AM I DOING?

This morning, at 5:30am, I’m substituting for Joe at my old boot camp.

He asked me last week if I would help, he thought it would be fun and I said, “Yes! As long as you provide the workout! I’ll totally do it!”

And I was SOOOO excited! I get to see my old boot camp friends! This is going to be great! Donnie arranged his schedule to make it work and I was SO VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT! YAYAYAYAYAYAY!

But then, as it started getting closer I realized, OH NO…

It hit me…I’m not just going and working out with my friends. I am LEADING A CLASS. I’ve lead small workouts for less than 5 people but a WHOLE CLASS? Did I forget that I’m a social invalid? Let’s remind everyone of all the things I do when I get nervous:

• I talk about boob sweat.
• I use swear words I never EVER use in my real, non-nervous life.
• I dance awkwardly. Spontaneously. With no music. Ask anyone who has been at the start line of a race with me. I have no idea why I do it, but I’ll start dancing just to work off the nerves. IT IS AWFUL. My go-to move? The Cabbage Patch. I AM NOT JOKING.
• I forget my name.
• I forget everything.
• I stutter.
• I fall down. A LOT.

Basically, this morning’s boot camp is going to be an epic train wreck starring ME!

It doesn’t help that:

A) I fell down (going UP) the stairs yesterday and have a hip injury
B) I got no sleep last night because I woke up at 1am panicking about saying something stupid yesterday

So…you know, even if I was feeling READY TO ROCK…I’m injured and I’m working on like 4 hours sleep.

THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.

I’m terrified. 75% of this class are near and dear friends who (hopefully) won’t judge me if I started talking about boob chaffing for no reason. Or if I forget how to do a push-up.

But what about those other 25%? What if they get mad that they PAID for this boot camp and some IDIOT shows up and can’t remember her own name?

OH MY GOD I AM FREAKING OUT.

But then…there’s the voice I always turn to in moments like this. The voice of an old Tri 101 coach who probably didn’t even realize how important his words were to me since I never came to the classes (TOO SCARED!) – he said: You should do AT LEAST one thing a year that TERRIFIES you.

It’s healthy. It’s good for you. It opens the door to experiences that could change your outlook on the world.

It also provides excellent material for Tweets, Facebook Statuses, and Blog Posts.

I mean – let’s face it – if I stand in front of the class and say, “Hi! I’m Kim Zoot and I’ll be your instructor today! Let’s talk about that time I wet my pants!” then EVERYONE will have something to write about on Facebook later that morning.

And really, isn’t that the point of life? Having experiences that make for great Facebook Fodder?

Yes. Yes it is.

UPDATE!

Oh, man. THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN! Why was I so nervous? This is why you should do something that terrifies you, because sometimes you realize you’re being silly and you have a GREAT time doing that thing that is so very scary.

Way to go, Me.