Yesterday was a weird day. I just felt off all day, and like I was in permanent-scowl mode. And then I unloaded something a tad emotionally raw on Twitter that I phrased horribly and immediately warranted responses that basically were like, “The word choice there is awful and it struck this emotional cord with me:” which did NOT help my raw emotions at all and then…and THEN…GLEE did a damn TTC storyline that made anyone who ever struggled with fertility want to throw their television out the window.
SO! Can we guess what happened? I ATE ALL OF THE FOOD!
I then had a dream that I got shot in the head. It was really weird. I remember the dream vividly and you know what? Getting shot in the head didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would. Weird.
Just sometimes we have bad days, right? Part of this whole Learning To Embrace My Imperfections thing is realizing that you can NOT have 100% good days where you eat right, parent right, wife right, and work right for the entire day. IT DOES NOT HAPPEN. You can not set those kind of goals.
And I know that LOGICALLY, but emotionally I keep tally marks in my head. It’s like having a sign at work that says, “It Has Been X Amount Of Days Since Kim Has Had A Bad Day.”
And y’all? I really keep a tally, like I kinda know what my longest stretch of “good days” was and when I don’t make it that long before having a bad one? I get really sad. WHICH IS SO DUMB. You can NEVER have an endless streak of “good days” – HELL! ONE good day where everything feels right at bedtime? Should be celebrated because THAT IS REALLY HARD.
So. I had a bad day. I need to get the hell over it. But mainly? I need to quit keeping track of how long my stretches of good days are.
Do you do that? Keep track of how many “good” days you’ve had in a row? Just me then?