You know what makes me want to punch Pinterest in the face? All of the before/after comparison pins denoting weightloss success. I mean – MAKES ME RAGE. Why? Partially because they’re often spam and I hate spam. Pay attention to your Pinterest profile page people, the spam is abundant.
But it also annoys me in principle. I mean, my instinct is always “OOOOH! What made them lose all of that weight in 30 days?” Or maybe it’s 100 days. Or 1 year. It’s always some nice even number indicating SUCCESS!
Anyway – it bugs me because I’ve been there. I have those photos. I have before/after pictures that could easily paint me as a successful candidate of some sort of magical fitness and health path. And maybe I did it in 30 days? Sometimes I have. It’s amazing how many times I’ve been successful. And those pictures just irritate me because, if you consider your actual goals in life, do those before/after pictures really represent those?
And by “you” of course, I mean “me”.
There are two areas of my life I’ve been working on for years now.
1) Fitness/Health and my relationship with food
2) Parenting Patience (or my lack thereof)
I have seen huge successes in many ways in both of those areas. However, over the last 5 weeks? It’s like all of my successes have just faded the way of Pinterest spam.
So I have a lot of angst relating to “SUCCESS”.
Since I had to quit boot camp, I have lost a significant amount of the strength I worked hard to build. My running has faltered substantially over the last 5 weeks. I’ve put back on most of the weight I lost (AGAIN.) and I have started the horrible habit of yelling at my kids all the time. A habit I had done a great job of curbing until several months ago.
And yesterday I just felt like all of those issues (Do you call them failures? Because it’s more like a Loss Of Success. I didn’t fail at the effort. I succeeded. And then pooped the success down the toilet) were coming to a head in my life. Add that to some work-related stress (nothing I did wrong really, but problems associated with my tasks, therefore I carry the guilt of the problems it causes) from yesterday and I found myself in desperate need of two things last night:
1. A hug
2. A pep talk
I posted that to twitter and was sent this beautiful video.
You can’t beat a Coach Taylor pep talk.
Anyway – I was down and pulled up Pinterest and saw some of those DAMN Before/After photos and I just wanted to rage on the world. SUCCESS IS NOT THAT SIMPLE. In ANYTHING. SUCCESS IS NOT EASY. OR PERMANENT. THOSE PHOTOS DO NOT EQUATE REAL SUCCESS IN ANYTHING BUT ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF KIM HOLMES. DAMMIT.
And then I realized that yelling at my computer screen was not going to solve any of my problems.
I have 52 Days until my 12-hour run. I need to work on that weightloss again because I wanted to be lighter at this run than last year, to make it easier on my body. I need to work on my strength, especially in my lower-back and core because that’s where I’m feeling the lack of bootcamp in my long runs. And I need to stop screaming at my kids. Seriously. That last one is really haunting my dreams. My one solid complaint about my childhood was the amount of yelling my Dad did. He was a wonderful Father in nine million ways, but the yelling was the stuff of my nightmares. The fact that I do the same thing to my kids now? Makes me hate myself much more than any number on the scale.
52 Days. There will not be any before and after bikini photos because all that does is represent what my body looked like at two different points in time. You know what photos WOULD help represent real success? A second photo with an actual smile depicting actual joy and pride in my eyes. I don’t want to see Fat/Skinny photos, I want to see Sad/Happy photos.
I’ve felt pride in my successes on all avenues before. With my strength. With my health. With my weightloss. With my parenting. With my professional life. I need to figure out how to get there again, and then I need to figure out what habits lead me out of those successful areas. I want to be able to see real and lasting change in my life. THAT is success. Not 30 day change. Not 100 day change. Not One Year of change. I’m saying I want to see a shift in my life that leads me to another city in another state that I’ve never been to before. And then I want to toss out the map that led me there so I don’t find my way back.
Because as awesome as success in any endeavor feels? The sadness over losing that success? Is 10 times worse.
Here’s to 52 days to find that new path. To meet a goal for the millionth time. And to hopefully not poop that goal down the toilet as soon as it’s met.
Tech Note: I’m having some internet issues so I’m publishing this entry in it’s “draft” form with no proofing just so I can get it up. (That’s what she said.) I will proof it and correct any major spelling/grammatical errors, but I can’t guarantee that proof will get published. My point? Pardon any egregious errors. Technology hates me and I’d rather have a post up full of errors, than no post at all.