Getting It Off My Chest

Okay. I’m in a funk because the universe keeps taking giant poops on my head and I feel like I need to just get it all off my chest in one #FirstWorldProblems type entry so I an let it go and quit crying in local parking lots.

(Yes. That happened. I’m sufficiently ashamed.)

I mean, we are lucky. We have a house. We have a kid in college. We have races and cars and we know we are VERY lucky. BUT STILL. To make it all work this year we have already cut back a lot. We are both driving older cars, mine has 160K miles on it and Donnie’s is 7ish years old. We definitely both need new cars. One of my friends recently got a new car and she got a fantastic deal, so we’ll just have to try and find two cars which are in our budget. She told me that Conklin Cars have the best selection of used vehicles in Kansas City so we might take a trip down there to see what cars they have on offer. Hopefully, we can find some cars in our budget!! We only eat out on Saturday nights. We dropped our Botanical Garden memberships and I don’t go to boot camp anymore. We have already cut a LOT to make ends meet. And then? It got better.

Shit That Has Fallen On Our Heads In The Last Month Or Two.

  • Donnie’s car had a major transmission fail.
  • Eliah’s laptop needed repairing.
  • Donnie’s phone which was already an older model due to breaking his newer one, fell in the toilet.
  • Donnie needed physical therapy a couple times a week for an injury at $25 a visit.
  • Repeated bills from both my surgeries and Wes’s several months ago. They keep popping up, here and there.
  • The a/c won’t turn off on the van. Meaning the heat won’t turn on. It’s Alabama, not Minnesota, but it’s still damn cold to have car with no heat.
  • The kicker…we found out yesterday that a LARGE (to us) chunk of money that we were counting on for a big necessity in our life? Is no long accessible. So we had to basically deplete what little savings we had.

Basically, we made all of these cuts. Then all of this crazy shit happened. And then more crazy shit happened depleting our savings and I found myself crying in the parking lot while ordering not one but TWO milkshakes from Wendy’s.

Which I paid for by counting out quarters from my change cup.

I mean. Logically? I know it’s SO LAME to complain. So many people have so many bigger problems. But I just can’t shake the funk and I just wanted to itemize the shit that has fallen on our heads so I could say: HERE IT IS, I’M PISSED OFF AT THE UNIVERSE. QUIT POOPING ON US.

Especially E. He is already on a $10/week budget in college meaning his “fun” money covers the periodic movie or cup of coffee and that’s about it. He knows he’s lucky, but it’s hard to say, “No” all the time when your friends ask you to do stuff. There’s a new fraternity coming to Montevallo and he was thinking about pledging but that’s completely out now, obviously.

Anyway. #FirstWorldProblems, I know. But I had to put it out there. AGAIN. I feel like every 3 weeks I’m like, “Oh…poor me…my life is so hard…” And I’m sorry. But I gotta throw it out there for a few hours just to see if it makes me feel a little less overwhelmed right now.

13 thoughts on “Getting It Off My Chest”

  1. I hear ya. I think money issues bring on the same sick anxiety feeling, no matter how comfortable you are. Even after digging ourselves out of debt, saving, buying a house, advancing in our careers, we are still very frugal, and big expenses stress me out. I have a hard time enjoying Christmas, because my husband really wants to surprise me with gifts, but that is money I would never spend on myself. This year I prepared a little bit (setting up a savings plan for someone else to buy stuff for you seems so selfish, but whatever), but then one of our cars up and died (transmission, yay). We had to get help from my parents to buy a new (used, ten year old) car, which is not how I expected my finances to work at age 38. Meanwhile, the other car needs its expensive service, the dishwasher stopped working, and my efforts to pay off our small credit card balances seem way too impossible. It’s depressing, when I think about it.

    And yet, we have this house. It’s modest, but it’s in a great neighborhood, and for most of our marriage we figured we would never own a home (SF Bay Area). We are financially more responsible than we’ve ever been. We have two awesome kids, who we struggled to conceive. My daughters are living a better life than I did, growing up. We have great friends. All on all, life is great. I think that may be why money issues can still deliver such a gut punch. After coming so far, I feel tremendously lucky, but still fearful that it’s not enough, or that we could somehow lose it all.

  2. honey, i’m so sorry. also, you’re not a whiner and while people DO have it off worse, your issues/sad doesnt make their lives any better or worse– everyone carries their own burden. dont think twice about unloading ON YOUR OWN WEBSITE for crying out loud. you’re allowed! we would like to give you internet hugs! and besides, anyone else “worse off” isnt suffering any more or less because of you. you’re trying to do the best you can with what limited resources you have. that’s pretty much everyone’s story these days. i’m not sure how you reaching out to a community that loves/respects you makes you weak or whiny or anything like that.

    that said, 2014 better turn around pretty fast. it’s so frustrating when you feel like you’re doing your best with everything you have and it’s still not enough. soon it will be? just keep swimming? i hope?

    plus, e will be ok. i was on all loans in college and had almost zero money ($10 a week was not far off from where i was either)– but the friends i made were amazing and it taught me SO VERY MUCH about money management and life style and everything else. it hurts sometimes, but those lessons can’t be learned anywhere else. you are not failing him in anyway. you’re teaching him to be responsible and creative and awesome.

  3. From a long-time lurker, sorry to hear that 🙁 Knowing that others have it worse doesn’t mean that your pain & frustration are less real or less important. Sometimes we need a bit of perspective; sometimes we need a good cry. And milkshakes (plural). I hope it all gets better soon. *hugs*

  4. Sweetie, problems are problems, no matter what country you live in. Never apologize for how you feel, those feelings belong to you. I am sorry you are having difficulties, and I understand how angry and frustrated you feel. I hope things get easier financially soon!

  5. It just doesn’t matter that other people have it “worse.” These are YOUR problems right now. They may seem trivial to someone out there, but that doesn’t make it less sucky! Be upset! Cry! It’s OK. Losing your sh** over your problems doesn’t mean you don’t care about all the worse things in the world around you. Don’t feel guilty. I am confident that things will get better for you guys really soon. Hang in there because it’s a new year and wonderful things are ahead. Also? Bullet journal! (That makes everything better, right?)

  6. In my head, my comment sounded very supportive and encouraging, but now that I see it on the screen it just seems totally self-centered. That’s why I lurk more than I comment 🙁

    What I MEANT to say is I am sorry you are going through this. I feel your pain, and I think it’s really normal to feel all sorts of bad feelings, even when things are “going well”. I’m sending positive money vibes through the intewebz for the new year.

  7. Agree, and slightly delurking to say, you deserve joy. Hugs, and I wish for you quick relief fm money worries in particular. they are the loomiest! and create so much free floating anxiety,

  8. Another rare commenter jumping on board to say that your problems carry no less weight than anyone else’s. If they are big to your family, then they are big! I hope you’ll take a moment to remind yourself not to feel guilty about having the feels – especially on your own website. Please know we are here to prop you up when your own strength isn’t enough. Now go feel those feels and don’t feel guilty about them!

  9. I’m sorry you are going through this, but… I’m so glad you posted about it. Many of us have similar issues and thoughts, and it’s hard if not impossible to complain because others have it so much worse. Thanks for giving me a sort of OK to wine about my problems! Again, I am so sorry and empathetic about your woes.

    And your shin splints!

  10. I’m sorry you are having crappy money woes. I hope that by putting it out in the sphere you get some relief from the stress. Don’t worry about wining on your own blog. We understand that you need to vent every once in a while.

  11. I completely understand this, I try not to complain about money stuff too, but I never mind when other people do. It definitely makes me feel like I’m not the only one. We had major unplanned expenses this fall and it totally sucks. I hope it gets better for you guys soon.

  12. Hugs! I feel like you do a lot!! So lucky to be where we are, compared to where we were, and lucky compared to others, but still the problems we have are difficult and worth expressing aggravation over… hope things get better soon!

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