When I turned off the comments here when newbies popped over and got a little too rough (My fave – the 14-page long comment that started “You are what’s wrong with this society…”. For the record? 90% of the stuff this person was yelling me at, I didn’t actually say or condone.) I was reminded why I love it here. Here on my blog. It’s because it’s my safe place. I know you guys, and I feel like you know me. None of you would ever read my words and hear me say, “Consumerism is what makes this country the wonderful place it is!”
There have been so many times in the last 10 years since I started this blog…that I have felt alone. A lot of those times were very serious alone times. When I started having miscarriages. When I had to put my dogs to sleep. When I lost my Dad. When I lost my job. When I sent my child off to college. When I had another child repeatedly kicking me and punching me and spitting in my face. All of these times I came here to unload. To dump my sadness and my frustrations and my anger into this place and leave it for you to comb through. And every. single. time. you came back with a resounding, “Me too.”
There’s something about knowing that someone else has been where you are, and has come out on the other side, that is so uplifting. Or – hell – even if they’re still wading in the trenches. Even that is uplifting. Knowing that you are not actually alone. Someone has felt the things you’re feeling, makes it feel a tad bit more survivable. And it made me feel a tad bit less crazy for feeling those things. When I was in the midst of my reproductive nightmare and found myself battling irrational anger over the pregnancies around me: You made me feel less evil. When I wouldn’t take my Dad’s super-ugly watch off for an entire year after he died: You made me feel less pitiful. When I crumbled in heartache sending my oldest child and one of my best friends off to college: You made me feel less insane.
This space? Has been my refuge. The place where I can come and tell you what I’m feeling and so many of you kindly wrap your arms around me and say, “I’ve been where you are…you will survive. I promise.” And those words, those virtual hugs, they have kept me from falling into the darkness time and time again.
And then there’s the silly things. The infatuation with Harry Potter. The addiction to writing utensils. The love of fiction written for those people 20 years younger. The weakness for sparkly Vampires. The geeky loves and the nerdy treasures. You have echoed your love for all of the things I thought made me a lone weirdo out in the universe. And those moments are just as important as the moments you’ve lifted me out of sadness. Because having people to share joy with is just as important as having people to love you when you feel unlovable.
So…on this Thanksgiving Day (when no one will even be online to read this) I want to thank YOU…my blog friends. Thank you for all of the “Me too!”s you’ve given me over the last decade. Thank you for making me feel less alone, less sad, less dorky. Writing here has rarely ever been a chore because it’s just like a phone call to friends. Or maybe more like time on the couch in my therapist’s office. Either way – Thank you. For everything.