Super Competitive + Super Sore Loser = DRAMAZZZZZZZ

Preface: Did you know I’m participating in National Blog Posting Month? If you are too, please leave a comment on that entry so I can add you to the Sidebar Of Accountability And Shame. And if you’re not used to checking my blog on the weekends, here is what you missed: My FitBit provided proof that I’m lame, and I got all riled up about people who carry grudges about unsent Thank You Notes. Now! On to today’s segment!

P.S. This is kinda how I feel too.


My kids have been participating in the Rocket City Kid’s Marathon for a couple of months now. Basically, they log 25.2 miles of running before December 13th when they run their LAST mile using the start/finish of the real marathon that their Dad and I will be running that day. It’s a super-cool concept and we’ve been taking it very seriously. My kids walk a lot, so I’m making them run every mile. If we counted their walking miles? They would have been finished a month ago just going around the neighborhood. So, to distinguish these miles, they have to run them. Which we do several days a week after school on track with a few other participants. Nikki has been running a mile at a time so she’s a bit ahead of Wesley and he’s a bit behind schedule, but enough that he’ll still make the miles in time.

It’s not too tortorous for them. For Wes, he runs a lap and then takes a water break. And then runs another lap. And then he gets to play at the playground. Nikki and her running buddy just run laps and talk the whole time. It’s super-cute. There’s bit a bit of pushing needed for the extra lap I’ve been wanting Wes to do to try to catch up with the schedule – but not too much. He does a half a mile easy, 3/4 of a mile with a bit of coercion, he never does a whole mile.

SO! This weekend there was an event-sponsored 1-mile fun run at our local movie theater. And Wes ran the ENTIRE thing…BEATING HIS SISTER. And oh my GAWD…there was some drama.

First of all – Nikki is an AWFUL loser and ULTRA competitive. So, being beat by anyone bugs her but she doesn’t push harder…she gives up. And cries. Which sucks because she’s a natural athlete and I know that if I had her athleticism I’d be totally winning everything. So, once she realized she wasn’t going to beat him (he started off fast and she thought he’d slow down…so did I) she basically started walking. Which was irritating as crap because she can run 3 miles without thinking.

And then…it’s her 5-year old brother. Who is not really competitive but still a bit athletic. He doesn’t ever seem to self-sabotage like she does and often seems like he’s having fun even if he’s losing…and all of that made it even WORSE that he beat her. Because she knows she should have beat him. And oh man…the TEARS.

And while Wes is not competitive, he still understands how badass it was that he beat his sister. And of course wanted to mention it a few times. He wasn’t obnoxious about it like SHE would have been, but he did want to make sure everyone knew. And that made her cry harder and then I was frustrated because I want her to have FUN and not get wrapped up in these head games.

She’s like her Dad in every way. He is incapable of having fun if he’s failing in some way by his standards.

And then…like salt on the wound…Wes won the Grand Prize Drawing of a free birthday party at the movie theater.

Nikki had a rough day, to say the least.

Do you have an ultra-competitive sore loser in your family? How do you console them? I want her to have fun so I want to build her up, but I also don’t want her being a sourpuss who can’t even acknowledge someone else’s victory without crying.

7 thoughts on “Super Competitive + Super Sore Loser = DRAMAZZZZZZZ”

  1. My brother in law is a competitive sore loser. My grandmother used to take us all out for birthdays and one year we went bowling. My brother (who was more interested in drinking than bowling) kept winning, so my brother in law kept insisting we go again. I finally had to say, “for the love of all that’s holy please let him win or we will never be allowed to leave here.” He even had to beat his kids at Candyland one year. My nephew was 4.

  2. Thank god none of my family are super competitive or sore losers because we are NOT athletic! We are very satisfied with the participation ribbons 🙂

  3. Love this story! I love that he knows exactly how to get under her skin. It’s funny how sibling know that. I hope her tears get better, and hang on for when she gets older!

  4. Metamophicshifts – Metamophic shifts comes from the idea of tectonic shifts. That is the the earth is in a constant state of change. Like the earth's very surface, we are constantly in a state of change whether we want to embrace that change or not. As a certified coach, I have a front row seat to the process of metamorphic shifts in humans. People cling to certain thoughts and beliefs about themselves. Coaching works as an activation mechanism to change, growth and transformation. I have spent my career exploring human nature through fundraising, recruiting, and most recently coaching and leadership development. I am a single working mother of two children who light up my world but have also taught me as many lessons as any work I have done. My other great joys in life including running, health and fitness, exploring the natural world, reading, writing, and learning as much as I can soak up about all of these topics. My hope here is to share some of my experiences, develop some action items for myself and maybe in turn help some readers, and really at the end of the day get myself to write and explore my voice a little more. Education and Certification: Bachelor of Science, Health and Fitness Management Masters degree, Public Administration CTI Certified (PCC) Coach IIN Certified, Health Coach EQi Certified Immunity to Change Facilitation Trained Keirsey & MBTI Experience
    Christina says:

    I think our kids were separated at birth. Matthew (8 yr old) hates to lose and he does not like it if the rules are bent even just a little bit and if it appears he is not going to win he totally stops, gives up, make an ugly face, balls up his fists, and stomps about in anger. AND if his sister (5 yrs old) appears to do better than him he will sob and cry and he hates to see her of all of the people in the world win anything over him. If she does something better or win he just loses it entirely (as if what I described above was not bad enough!) We are in the same boat. He wants to do certain things (like run in some of the races around town) but then we go and he is bad mood barney and we are like dude just have fun and he is like get outta my face I am angry and it is SO obvious to everyone – people who know him and those that do not – that he is pissed off and oy it is not fun at all. I wish I could find a solution to break the cycle. We have tried talking about not always being the winner and enjoying the moment and learn from what you are doing (do not go out too hard so you get a side stitch for instance) and yet it is still the same behavior 9 times out of 10. BLERG!

  5. ok, my comments aren’t related to your post with the whole me a)not being athletic and b)having no siblings thing. 🙂

    no, i just wanted to say how happy i am it’s NoBloPoMo and you’re participating again! i love it! 🙂

  6. My daughter is the same way. Thankfully she doesn’t have any siblings so no one to compete with on a regular basis. I just make sure to kick her ass at everything so I can reiterate that she won’t always win, mommy will! 🙂

  7. Wild. I was myself never a sore loser, but I never lost to my 18 months younger brother, so not sure how that would feel, as a kid. My parents did try to instill a “winning isn’t all that” attitude in us, but franky it didn’t take. I needed to win in my own mind. My parents said often that I “won” over my brother because I was older/bigger. They made competition with the kids in my classes a deal vs. my bro. I “won” there too – I was such a tomboy!

    But of course, sibling rivalry and all. You are a great mom and I admire you so much.

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