Have I ever told you I have guilt issues?
But seriously…I learned a long time ago I’m always going to feel guilty about something. ESPECIALLY in regards to being a wife or being a parent. I found it was much easier to build up confidence in those areas regarding the things I felt good about, than to try to tackle the guilt itself. Because even if I coped with one issue of guilt? Another popped up in it’s place.
Two weeks ago I had to drag the kids out of bed at 5am to put them in the van to drive them to Donnie’s big triathlon where we stayed outside in the sun watching racers for half the day. Now, I felt a little bad about this as it’s a schedule not really best for their growing bodies. THEY NEED THEIR SLEEP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
So, I balance that with the pros of raising them in a family where this is COMPLETELY NORMAL. They are going to grow up just assuming that’s the kinds of stuff you do as a grown-up. This is an AWESOME thing. So…even though I feel guilty for one? I have PLENTY of pats on my own back for the other to counterbalance that.
Sunday I had to wake the kids up early to put them in the van to meet Donnie at Fleet Feet where he would be finishing up his run, and I’d be meeting a group for mine. AGAIN…I felt SO guilty for rolling them out of bed early on the weekend for this, but it was the best way for Donnie and I to both get our runs in before the heat of the day set in.
(Which – was still not early enough. My last four of 16 miles were DREADFUL.)
Did I feel terrible with my kids sitting in my van watching a movie at the break of dawn just so Donnie and I could take turns doing our own selfish activities? YES. TERRIBLE. But I also commend myself for still getting up and doing it when I had so many easy excuses NOT to do it. I was afraid once E left and we lost or morning backup, I’d just fall of the wagon. But I did not! I ran 16 miles on Saturday! So, I allowed the good feelings there to overpower my guilt.
Do you do that in any way? Dealing with your own guilty voices by complimenting yourself? Or am I certifiably insane?