I made a parenting decision yesterday I’m not proud of. It wasn’t a rash decision, not entirely. I had been thinking about this discipline technique for awhile as a “last resort” type of thing, and yesterday, in a brief moment, I jumped off the bridge. I’m sure many of you can read between the lines, but typing it out solidifies the moment in history and I’m not proud of it in retrospect.
I will never do it again because the guilt it has now riddled me with it so strong, so vile, so painful — is something I can’t live with forever. I’m hoping it will fade in time and since I’ll never jump off the bridge again and now I’m just left with the guilt of the jump and knowledge that I can never un-ring that bell.
(Pardon for the mixed metaphors.)
I just wanted to tell Wes, I’m sorry. I hoped it would help some discipline issues. But even if it does, even if the threat that it will happen again causes you to stop the bad behavior, I don’t think it was worth it. I’m sorry. I love you.