Sobbing. That’s the only word to describe what I’m doing right now. Maybe “ugly-crying” would be a good description too. Suffice it to say there’s snot involved and things are not pretty around here.
Wes is up in his room right now screaming such compliments as, “You are NOT my best friend anymore!” and “You are NOT the best Mommy!” and “I don’t like you anymore!” and “I WANT MY TOYS BACK!”
What he’s not saying? “Mom…I’m truly sorry for lashing out against you with my words and my fists. I promise I will spend every waking moment trying to be better so that these painful outbursts do not happen again.”
What? You think that’s too much to expect? Well…it turns out “Please don’t slap your Mother in the face,” is also too much to expect, so I’ve decided to start shooting for the moon.
I just feel like a failure. Every “tips” article and book devoted to helping your child manage anger reads like I wrote it. I no longer yell. I stay calm. I give my child a safe place to be angry and I acknowledge his pain. I give him options of ways to cope with his anger besides yelling and hitting. I teach by example by doing the same things when I’m angry. I love on him and bond with him. I talk to him about his feelings. I do everything every article has ever told me to do.
And yet…YET…my 5-year old can bruise me with a punch.
Didn’t know I was even gone, did you?
Right after I typed the word “punch” I heard Wes come downstairs. He cried and begged for his toys back and we talked a bit about why he lost them and that he will be without them for awhile until he learns how better to deal with anger. I did the textbook stuff and he sobbed while telling me he was soooo sorry and that he loved me.
Parenting is tough as shit sometimes.
(Comments closed for obvious reasons. The tears aren’t even dry on my cheeks yet, I can’t handle any commentary or suggestions or even pats on the back without losing my shit and sobbing uncontrollably again. I just needed to talk to someone and – well – that’s what this place is for, isn’t it?)