Thing 1

My Dearest, Most Amazing, Most Hilarious, Oldest Child,

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Holy F*ckballs. Today you graduate from high school.

You like that? I threw that f-bomb in there just for you. I don’t use it often but I know when I do you think I sound ridiculous so that one’s for you. When they call your name tonight I’ll scream “WAY TO GO M*THERF*CKER!!!!” just to see if I can get kicked out of the arena. I want your graduation day to be memorable, you see.

BUT SERIOUSLY.

Sometimes I wonder that I talk about how awesome you are so often that you’ve become desensitized to it. Yeah…there goes my Mom again…talking about how wonderful I am…whatevs. But other times I worry that maybe I talk about it to Donnie, and to my friends, and on my blog, and Facebook…but how often do I tell you? So, I guess your graduation day is as good as any.

This year you’ve really shown me how ready you are to be an adult. You faced some big challenges, had to make some big decisions, and deal with the results of the decisions. And you did all of it with way more maturity than I show in the face of conflict at age 37. You did your first non-school play. You got your first real job. You worked that real job for more than 30 hours during your exam week. AND YOU LIVED TO TELL THE TALE. You still step up and take care of your brother and sister when we need you to. You still tolerate me sitting on your couch and eating a bowl of cereal and talking about my day.

(Sidenote: I first typed “eating a bowel of cereal” which I think may be the most hilarious and disgusting typo ever.)

And holy donkey balls, you’re hysterical. I have you listed on my “favorites” list on Twitter alongside Hank and John Green, Colonel Chris Hadfield, Chris Colfer, Darren Criss, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Grace Helbig. Your tweets are always my favorite of my favorites. I literally laughed out loud at this one and wanted to tell everyone at the ballfield about it. But then I realized that would be weird.

You have introduced me to some of my greatest loves, not the least being the aforementioned “Favorites” on Twitter. For starters – you showed me Tumblr. It’s like you gave me my teenage room back and a new copy of Teen Beat every day to cut up and plaster on the walls. Tumblr has allowed me to continue being the Giggly Fangirl for all things Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Whedon, and even my first every You Tube Fiction Addiction: The Lizzy Bennet Diaries. Thank you for helping me maintain my status as the dorkiest girl around. And then there’s YouTube where I fell in love with many others besides Grace Helbig. There’s Tyler Oakley, and Mamrie Hart and of course…the Vlogbrothers.

Speaking of the Vlogbrothers, John Green is probably the best thing you introduced me to. And it took me so long to listen to you! Why????? But I did. Finally. And my life will never bee the same. I know own t-shirts and posters graced with his words and I watch his videos and hope to some day be at a book signing so I can tell him, “You give me a constant connection point with my oldest child. And for that? I thank you.”

My point in all this? Who in the HELL is going to keep me up to speed when you’re at college? I mean…your sister only watches “Kickin’ It” and your brother only watches “Power Rangers” so I’ve got my teen fighting shows covered, but beyond that? What am I going to do? You have to text me the cool stuff you’re discovering while you’re at Montevallo. Especially considering that campus seems full of my kind of people. I mean – I saw no less than 4 million people wearing Doctor Who shirts when we visited. Keep me in the loop with those people!

Congratulations for surviving your first 12 years of school. But mostly? Congratulations for surviving life to this point. I am so proud of the man you’ve become and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I had faced half of the struggles you did in my teen years? I would not have shown as much grace or strength as you did. I definitely wouldn’t have worked during exam week. THAT SHIT WAS BANANAS. But you amaze me in every way. I’m so proud of everything you’ve done this year and I know I’ll continue being proud of everything you do in the future.

You graduate tonight with intelligence, but more importantly than that, you graduate with wisdom. And and compassionate heart. And a well-tested funny bone. And an amazing head of hair.

I love you. I’ll be the one scream-crying, “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” tonight when they call your name.

Love you,
Mom

23 thoughts on “My Dearest, Most Amazing, Most Hilarious, Oldest Child,”

  1. Way to make me cry at 6:22am!

    But this, this made me giggle until milk came out of my nose:
    “When they call your name tonight I’ll scream “WAY TO GO M*THERF*CKER!!!!” just to see if I can get kicked out of the arena. I want your graduation day to be memorable, you see.”

    Do it! I’ll bail you out.

  2. Congrats E and try to keep the profanity to a minimum Kim. But if they do throw you out just claim temporary insanity because your baby just graduated high school!

  3. Thank you for this. I have one that is 17 and amazes me on a constant daily basis. Someone met him for the first time yesterday and was all, he really has a “thing” doesn’t he… So cute and confident. He reminds me so much of Eliah at times. We both have Eliah favorited a million times on twitter and so often he posts things that make me go, EXACTLY!!!
    You’ve done an AMAZABALL job and I only hope that when Michael graduates I can articulate my thoughts and feelings this well, instead of just SOB.

  4. Big congrats to you both! It has been such a joy to watch E grow up and become an amazing man – ya did good Kim! Best of luck at school E!

  5. DANG IT WITH THE CRYING! An I can’t believe he is graduating. The online community makes kids grow up twice as fast. Sigh.

  6. You’re on a roll with these lovely posts about / loveletters to your kids, aren’t you? He sounds like a great kid and I’m sure you can take credit for a lot of it. Unless… he turned out this way, because he wanted to rebel against you. But even then, it would still be your doing *g*

    Congrats to both of you. Enjoy graduation, screaming or not 😉

  7. bawling at work @ 6:30am…not the best start to my work day. 🙂

    you don’t even begin to exaggerate his greatness, girl…he is THAT awesome! and at least some of that came from you! 🙂

  8. Love that we will be here to scream and celebrate with you! Just remember E, when it gets all crazy out there in the real world, there’s no place like home. You have an amazing momma and family who love you dearly. We are so proud of you!

  9. Oh shoot, I got something in both my eyes.

    My daughter is finishing up her freshman year and I have loved every second of every blog post, tweet, facebook status, etc of your son’s high school experience. It’s given me so much hope and faith that the next three years are going to be awesome to watch and experience through her eyes. Thank you for sharing this amazing and inspirational bond you have with your son. He happens to be one of my favorite tweeters also!

    Thanks for the Friday Feels. 🙂

  10. Okay, so what the frick? When did this happen? Wasn’t he just tiny five minutes ago?!? I am so grateful that I stumbled across your blog so many moons ago. It feels like such a privilege that I have have the opportunity to watch him grow up, and yes…he will always be LilZ to me. Secondly, yes, 100% with the twitter. I don’t always get through my whole feed every day, but his (along with Paula Pell because OMG HYSTERICAL) is checked every day. Because his observations on life make me smile and laugh out loud every day. Last, I have to say to E directly… I hope you know how extraordinary you are. Because you are. Be proud of yourself, and look ahead to the wonderful future that you have ahead of you. You deserve wonderful things, and a life full of love. All you have to do is show up.

    P.S. Also, Kim? I love you, but you are delusional if you think that you will have the ability to be that coherent when you meet John Green. I see it more along the lines of: “Dude. YOU ARE AWESOME.” Hugs mama bear!

  11. Delurking because you made me tear up! And I.Don’t.Cry. It’s been a pleasure to read about your son; the grace in which you handle his privacy while growing up is truly incredible. Through him and your website I discovered a love of Harry Potter, John Green, been given ideas on how to handle my children, and just a feeling of calm in knowing that we’re all doing the best we can with what we’ve got.

    Congrats LilZ (ok, Eliah…he’s still LilZ to me!) on a major accomplishment. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors….knock ’em dead, kid!

  12. Happy Graduation to YOU TOO, Kim. I can only imagine what it is like to look back at “back in the day” when E was a baby and this life you’re living now was far beyond anything you could imagine. But here you both are, awesomely, and it’s so cool. Congrats to you both!

  13. D’awwwww! Congrats, E. It is easy to see why your mama is so, so proud of you.

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