Let’s rewind a bit to about 3 weeks ago. It was the beginning “tech week” for “West Side Story” which means tons of late rehearsals and last minute chaos. As the producer/wrangler I had some super-late nights and crazy-early mornings trying to do everything I needed to do while also training for my 12-hour run, working, and taking care of my family. I survived tech week, and then it was Show Week! More late nights and early mornings. Two weeks of chaos and exhaustion. It was the Friday of show week, the day before my 12-hour run, and I got the bad news: I was out of a job.
I’ll be honest, after I sobbed a bit (Yes, I cried) I went into survival mode. I knew I was less than 12 hours away from the biggest running event of my life. I also still had one week of “West Side Story” shows to get through. I had barely survived the two weeks prior, I knew I could not emotionally process being jobless on top of everything else.
I ran my race, I produced a musical, and I tried my best to just get caught up on my life from the insane two weeks prior. I did mountains of laundry, I went to bed at a reasonable time, I cooked, and I just tried to get through the week. The kids and I were part of a St. Patrick’s day parade, and made some hella-awesome corned beef and cabbage. Yesterday was our last show, I cooked for the family, and woke up today – Went to boot camp, ran for 20 minutes, and did a body pump class. I have a few more post-show things to do today, but after that? It’s time to face the music.
I am – once again – jobless. And I find this so embarrassing, but also so terrifying since – you know – we have a kid going off to college in the fall. I have had a very unique work history over the last 8+ years working an assortment of web jobs and doing freelance work and volunteer work. I am not sure how to organize my resume since chronologically doesn’t work when you are doing several different jobs at once, and when you want your volunteer work to also be represented. I have dreams and hopes and I’m terrified to pursue them for feel of failure. We have bills that need to be paid and things that need to be repaired. I’m constantly going back and forth between shame and fear.
And that’s where I’m at. I’m a web developer for hire. I also do marketing, publicity, and even management. I’m terrified of failure but have the potential for greatness.
Let me know if you’re looking for someone like that.