It seems like at least once a week there’s an article going viral about women who try to have it all, sparking discussions of Mothers in the workplace versus Mothers at home. Other times we have women who write about why the nursing/bottle-feeding Moms can’t get along. Or how we shouldn’t fight about Crying It Out or Co-sleeping. Then there’s the snarky articles about hating the perfectly coiffed Moms or the Moms who make the lovely crafts. Or maybe you’ll see some “honest” commentary where one Mom blogger gives reason X why she’s “keeping it real” in response to the Moms who look/act/cook/make perfection in ever moment of their lives.
Basically – it gives the impression that Moms in the world are always trying to “correct” each other, or prove how their way is better than anyone else’s way. Or pointing out how they might be different than everyone else. And this has always confused me because – in my real life – I am surrounded by the most wonderfully supportive and down-to-earth Moms in the world.
The most recent article I read was the one Mom who said she was going to stop telling lies on Facebook.
My life on Facebook is an airbrushed and Instagrammed image of my real life. I edit the suckage because I want people to think I have my shit together. I give everything a hipstacular filter to make the drudgery look interesting. Most of the time, I think I’m a decent mom, and I think I’m giving my kids a pretty good life. But I also think I’d be a better mom if I stopped pretending, and making friends on Facebook feel like they have to pretend as well.
Basically – she’s proclaiming a wish that everyone stop glossing over their life and be more real on facebook.
And once again I’m reminded how wonderful my own network of Mom friends are.
Everyday on Facebook I have a friend or family member who posts about any number of the following things:
- A desire to drop a child off at an animal shelter.
- A fear of public ridicule due to a wardrobe malfunction.
- A confusion about the location of some necessary object. My friends are all losers. And I mean that quite literally. Someone is always missing or finally finding something that was lost.
- A disgusting status of some part of their lives: baseboards, laundry, dishes, hair, or even often times their own children.
- Concern that the repetitive feeding of PopTarts to their children for every meal a day may create problems.
- Hope that a certain stain will come out.
- Desire for large quantities of alcohol.
Every so often there’s the cute kid post, or the lovely meal photo. Maybe they rave about a movie they went to or a restaurant they tried. But none of my friends online or off ever critique my diet, even if they’re vegans or paleo eaters. None of my family questions our punishment methods, even if they choose different ones. Nobody over-glosses their lives or tears apart mine. Some of my friends are amazing chefs, but counterbalance their wonderful meals with haggard photos of dirty children. Other friends create beautiful things (quilts, dresses, paintings) and offset that with commentary on their stinky vehicle. We all have our highs and lows, strengths and weaknesses, and we never use our online voices to critique other Moms who we know are just struggling to do their best too.
Basically – all of the parenting magazines and blogs who discuss these battles or wars or proclaim that changes need to be made? Never reflect my own parenting microcosm. I am surrounded by nothing but supportive and honest parents in my life, forcing me to wonder – Am I just super lucky? Or are these people just writing about the small percentages of conflicts or false realities, because they’re desperate for something to write about?
Because I get that! We all have that default trope or common issue we discuss when we’re running low on content ideas. My Go To topic on this blog when I’m facing writer’s block is Boob Sweat.
What do you think? Do you read these articles discussing attitudes or trends in motherhood that need to be corrected, and wonder if they ring false? Or am I just lucky to be surrounded by supportive women?
I mean – I know I’m lucky. But is it WEIRD?
Wait. I know my friends are weird, too. But are they unique weird or common weird?
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M ASKING.
I spend so much time whining about the poop in life that I try and post positive stuff more than negative – I think I keep an unconscious tally of good posts against bad posts. If I complain I have to post two non-complaining posts to balance out the universe or something like that.
Having become a Mum to a teenager in the last two years keeping my crap together is virtually impossible – my kitchen floor looks like a Chinese Laundry because my day job is kicking my butt so much that when I get home I throw some tea together and then flop because I don’t feel like I can do anything else! How I’m ever going to cope with a baby of my own I have no idea!
The receptionist at the Doctor’s office commented on my parenting Monday. It was a positive comment, but it was based on observing one tiny interaction with my daughter and the parenting style she was attributing to me based on it isn’t actually my parenting style. So, it’s out there. But, overall, I don’t see it. Possibly in part because I am very confident in my parenting and just don’t pay that much attention. Though, we do have friends with whom I’ve drastically limited our interaction because our parenting styles are so different that I felt stressed whenever we were together. So, there’s that…
Oh facebook.
I read that story too, and I thought about it a lot.
short answer – you have nice friends. Mine aren’t always so nice.
In fact, I related to that article because I total sugar coat. I didn’t use to, but now I do because when I do say things like you said I get slammed.
Seriously, I made a comment about a really long train delay and I was told I was ungrateful. (my friends defended me but still).
I just got back from Disney (I did my half marathon) and trust me … if you saw my facebook page we were all shiny happy perfect people.
I’m a little over all this perfection. Truthfully – I get up at 4 and go to bed around 11 because I have to fit everything in and be a mom and a wife and work and commute (3 hours a day +) so sometimes … I’m grouchy and I’d like a drink, I wouldn’t mind dropping my kids off at the animal shelter with pop tarts in hand! And instead you’ll see “wow. it’s been a tough day. I’m really looking forward to a nice healthy dinner and a yoga class topped off with cuddles from my kids.”
(mind you – I also kind of think if I say it enough it will be true)
Well, we obviously need to be facebook friends because I often post picture of a beer in my hand and my children locked in the old dog crate 😉 That would DEFINITELY make you feel better. BUT – I also post pictures of us snuggling on the couch to balance it out so no one calls DHR on me 🙂
I’ll add ya 🙂 Sorry! I think I was on a bit of a rant there.
By the way – have you read “Another Mother Runner” by Sarah Bowen Shea and Dimity McDowall (I think – or close to that). If you haven’t … OMG!!! You need to! They are amazing. Just funny and they get it. Of course. I read the book and then met them, and I was a blubbery mess. but that’s a whole other story!
The podcasts are pretty funny too.
I had the same reaction to that article. I love my mom friends because I knew that no one was judging me when I threatened (every week) to sell my baby on the street. Here we are, four years later, and she is still here! She has been a challenging kid for me, sometimes, but I think I am a better and happier mom because I had a safe place to vent.