For those of you who don’t speak Interweb as fluently as I do, that title right there is called a “Keyboard Smash.” It is often used to express shock, or an inability to process something online.
For me? It means:
- I’m tired.
- I’m mad.
- I’m stressed.
- I’m depressed.
- I’m worried.
- I don’t feel like showering this morning.
I did something really dumb yesterday, guys. Remember how I was bragging on myself Monday for going TWO WHOLE WEEKS without an anxiety-fueled binge? Well, that is evidently my limit because I topped out last night at probably an excess of 2000 calories for the day.
I “closed” MyFitnessPal at 500 calories over hoping that would stop me from binging any more.
I went crazy last night and the main fuel was just exhaustion. That’s always been the case – when I get SO TIRED I can’t function? I tend to eat, with some sort of twisted hope that the food will give me energy.
SO! Here is the first test of my efforts to break my emotional addiction to food. I had a failure. One night of BAD after two weeks of GOOD. WHAT DO I DO NOW? Do I do what I typically do and binge for the next month or two until I’ve gained back all of the weight I’ve lost? Or do I do my DAMNEDEST to do what all of you always tell me to do and leave the FAILURES OF YESTERDAY in one place: YESTERDAY. And not let them force me to fail today.
Wish me luck, people. And send me constant tweets/emails/FB status reminders to Put Down The Doughnuts/French Fries/Beer/Cake/Chips.
Because we all know for a damn fact that every one of those things have voices that will be in my head all day today saying, “You screwed up Tuesday! Might as well throw Wednesday out the window too! EAT ME! The food will calm your anxieties!”