However – BOTH OF US struggle with a slight variation of this point:
3. Feel comfortable when she performs gestures that would typically be considered â€œgallantâ€ or â€œgentlemanly,â€ because you realize that those are simply nice things which nice people do for one another.
Let me start with a disclaimer: I have LONG HATED umbrellas. As someone with hair that actually looks better wet, and who rarely wears nice clothes, getting wet is always better than dealing with an umbrella in the rain. I have maybe carried an umbrella to protect myself from rain half-a-dozen times in my life. MAYBE.
End of Disclaimer.
Donnie and I were leaving the grocery store recently and it was pouring down rain. We were walking out together and we both hesitated before leaving the protective awning outside the store. He knew that I was okay with being in the rain (he is actually more likely to carry an umbrella than I am!) but he said, “Wait. I’ll just get the car.”
This kinda threw me off because — Why? Why get the car when I can, quite quickly, push the groceries to the car with you. Then we don’t block this fire lane!
So, after he took a few steps, I took off after him in the rain with the groceries.
When we got in the car he shook his head at me. Together we both spit out something like:
“I was offering to help keep you dry!” AND
“I don’t mind getting wet!”
We were both a little frustrated with the other person for not understanding our individual frustration. And then the truth came out:
ME: “I didn’t want people there thinking I expected or wanted you to run out in the rain while I stayed dry!!”
HIM: “I didn’t want people there thinking I wouldn’t run out in the rain for you!”
Basically – we were both trying to be chivalrous – but NOT because we wanted to make the other person’s life easier – but because we wanted everyone else to think we were chivalrous.
We’re quite awesome, don’t you think?
Now – I honestly didn’t mind getting wet and it really did seem like a waste of time/energy for me to stand there under the awning while Donnie brought the car. And he honestly didn’t mind getting the car so I could stay dry.
But – the reason we both got huffy with the other person’s actions? Is that we were worried about what the random people under that awning (trying not to get wet) were thinking.
I was mad because I thought, “He should understand how lucky he is! His wife doesn’t make him go out in the rain for her!” Whereas he was thinking, “She should understand how lucky she is! Her husband will go out in the rain for her!”
Basically, we have broken the entire concept of chivalry.
BUT STILL. I HATE UMBRELLAS.
So, in the end, I win.