Holy CRAP yesterday SUCKED GIANT BALLS OF DONKEY POOP.
I’m actually kind of in what people analyzing my art would call my “Dark Period”. My blog entries have been half-assed (Except when I’m blogging politics! That was lively!) at best because everything I really want to write about is either boring, or depressing, or boring AND depressing. So I just blog whatever I can to fill the page.
I’m super-stressed right now. Mainly over this DAMN 50K on Saturday. I know that physically I’m ready but mentally I’m super-stressed about it. Will the fast runners get annoyed they have to share the trails with me? Will it take so long I run out of every willpower I have to spare? Will I fall? Will I have to poop? WILL I GET LOST?
(Okay. I know I’m not going to get lost. I know those trails like my own house. That worry is nonexistant.)
I’m also stressed over other minor things, the holidays, my pets destroying my home, my kids behaving like demons, my weight gain because I’m eating all of the foods because these things are stressing me out!
In other words – I’m a freakin’ mess. Seriously. My anxiety is screwing with my sleep. I’m either waking up at 2am and unable to go back to sleep, or I’m having stupid stressful dreams like last night. I know people writing about their dreams is SUPER ANNOYING but let me give you a quick rundown to demonstrate my stress level. In my dream I realized it was 9:30am and I was late for a marathon in Knoxville and had to start 2+ hours late. I couldn’t find my favorite running clothes and Donnie had already started without me. I woke up SUPER-DUPER STRESSED.
This is exactly why I’m perpetually early everything. Being late for something is the stuff of my NIGHTMARES.
This political stuff is messing with me too. You’d think I’d be happy! It’s over! My guy won! But the attitude of my friends and family on Facebook is still disheartening. I would love to write 14 entries in response to all of the crap I’m seeing on Facebook. I may have to do that just to relieve some stress. Especially the blanket “THIS COUNTRY WILL FAIL BECAUSE YOU VOTED FOR OBAMA” stuff. Don’t they realize he can’t do much without the approval of the Republican dominated Congress? ::sigh:: Man…it’s hard not responding to that stuff. But I don’t. So it just sit in my brain and eats all of the calm and happy feelings I have there.
And let’s don’t even get started about how when I’m down? I naturally start to focus on the default sad topics in my life. I miss my Dad. I’m not still pregnant. My oldest child is less than a year from leaving for college. These are the things that are always lingering in the sad parts of my heart…so when other things pull me down? Those lovely issues rise to the surface and they fill in the blanks between the other crappy thoughts I’m having.
So…I’m a mess. Have I said that already? And let’s be serious…I’m always a mess about something. But this time? It’s a bit more extreme than usual. I’m feeling down on myself in just about every area of my life.
Except my hair! I’ve had some GREAT hair days lately!
Anyway…Just wanted to put it out there. I wanted to explain why a lot of my posts have been half-assed…Explain why I’m in a rut…Explain why I gained 15 pounds in two weeks.
I’m not sure what I need to pull me out of this pit of despair. I’d like to run this race on Saturday with a joyful and proud heart, and not a blanket of sadness and stress. I’d like to put my kids to bed at night with a smile out of my face and not a breath of exasperation. I’d like to not eat all of the foods to cope with the sadness and stress.
But I don’t want to do anything about my hair. Did I mention it’s looking awesome lately?
Anyway. Just some awesome “I’m SAD!” blog drivel to start your day. Aren’t you glad you came here?