About Me

Putting On My Whiney Pants

Holy CRAP yesterday SUCKED GIANT BALLS OF DONKEY POOP.

I’m actually kind of in what people analyzing my art would call my “Dark Period”. My blog entries have been half-assed (Except when I’m blogging politics! That was lively!) at best because everything I really want to write about is either boring, or depressing, or boring AND depressing. So I just blog whatever I can to fill the page.

I’m super-stressed right now. Mainly over this DAMN 50K on Saturday. I know that physically I’m ready but mentally I’m super-stressed about it. Will the fast runners get annoyed they have to share the trails with me? Will it take so long I run out of every willpower I have to spare? Will I fall? Will I have to poop? WILL I GET LOST?

(Okay. I know I’m not going to get lost. I know those trails like my own house. That worry is nonexistant.)

I’m also stressed over other minor things, the holidays, my pets destroying my home, my kids behaving like demons, my weight gain because I’m eating all of the foods because these things are stressing me out!

In other words – I’m a freakin’ mess. Seriously. My anxiety is screwing with my sleep. I’m either waking up at 2am and unable to go back to sleep, or I’m having stupid stressful dreams like last night. I know people writing about their dreams is SUPER ANNOYING but let me give you a quick rundown to demonstrate my stress level. In my dream I realized it was 9:30am and I was late for a marathon in Knoxville and had to start 2+ hours late. I couldn’t find my favorite running clothes and Donnie had already started without me. I woke up SUPER-DUPER STRESSED.

This is exactly why I’m perpetually early everything. Being late for something is the stuff of my NIGHTMARES.

This political stuff is messing with me too. You’d think I’d be happy! It’s over! My guy won! But the attitude of my friends and family on Facebook is still disheartening. I would love to write 14 entries in response to all of the crap I’m seeing on Facebook. I may have to do that just to relieve some stress. Especially the blanket “THIS COUNTRY WILL FAIL BECAUSE YOU VOTED FOR OBAMA” stuff. Don’t they realize he can’t do much without the approval of the Republican dominated Congress? ::sigh:: Man…it’s hard not responding to that stuff. But I don’t. So it just sit in my brain and eats all of the calm and happy feelings I have there.

And let’s don’t even get started about how when I’m down? I naturally start to focus on the default sad topics in my life. I miss my Dad. I’m not still pregnant. My oldest child is less than a year from leaving for college. These are the things that are always lingering in the sad parts of my heart…so when other things pull me down? Those lovely issues rise to the surface and they fill in the blanks between the other crappy thoughts I’m having.

So…I’m a mess. Have I said that already? And let’s be serious…I’m always a mess about something. But this time? It’s a bit more extreme than usual. I’m feeling down on myself in just about every area of my life.

Except my hair! I’ve had some GREAT hair days lately!

Anyway…Just wanted to put it out there. I wanted to explain why a lot of my posts have been half-assed…Explain why I’m in a rut…Explain why I gained 15 pounds in two weeks.

I’m not sure what I need to pull me out of this pit of despair. I’d like to run this race on Saturday with a joyful and proud heart, and not a blanket of sadness and stress. I’d like to put my kids to bed at night with a smile out of my face and not a breath of exasperation. I’d like to not eat all of the foods to cope with the sadness and stress.

But I don’t want to do anything about my hair. Did I mention it’s looking awesome lately?

Anyway. Just some awesome “I’m SAD!” blog drivel to start your day. Aren’t you glad you came here?

14 thoughts on “Putting On My Whiney Pants”

  1. When I’m super stressed I set little mini goals. For today, I have to _____. Once I get through that, I focus on the next hurdle.

    I also try to put things into perspective. What will happen if I don’t _____________? Will anyone die? If the answer is no, then it’s something that can be dealt with, and I can move on.

    Thinking good thoughts for your race. I just found out I have arthritis in my knee! And tendonitis! And now I officially feel old.

  2. Maybe it is time for a Facebook hiatus? I need to do that occasionally. Or just hide certain people from your news feed for a while?

    Except for the extreme amount of running you do and the waking up at 4 am and all of the social stuff you’re involved in- you are a lot like me. You expect a lot from yourself, always.

    Enjoy your run this weekend. That is awesome and inspiring! And get yourself another beer!!

  3. The holidays can be really rough for people with anxiety issues. I have been struggling a lot lately too. The only thing that is helping me is to take things one day at a time. If I look ahead at the next few weeks and everything I have to do, I will have a panic attack. If I just look at today? Sure, it’s a busy day but I can handle this one day. Also, I give myself something to look forward to every day. Tonight, I’m going to curl up on the couch and watch Nashville. So no matter how crazy my day gets, I just remind myself that I have a good show to watch and some rest coming. Then I will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow!

    Good luck on the race!!

  4. I’m in a shit mood these days too, and I don’t even have a big race to be worried about. We’ll both get through it! It’s what we do, as women, as moms, as kickass superstars of awesomesauce.

  5. Awww. Your blog posts haven’t seemed half arsed to me. And I’m sure you’re going to rock your race on Saturday. Perhaps it will be just the thing you need to think through these things, find the solution, or let some of it go.

  6. Not going to lie, this actually makes me feel better. I’ve been a curmudgeonly cranky whiny pants jerk lately. And then I feel worse because while all the crap is upsetting to me, it could all be so much worse that I get mad at myself for being mad at other things. Hang in there – you’re not alone and you do have lovely hair 🙂

  7. (hugs) I hope you have a better day today! I’m an anxious person too, so I can empathize with some of the stresses you named. Someone once said to me that you can imagine 1,000 terrible things that could possibly happen, but the chance of any of them happening is so low, its much more likely something good will happen. And just start imagining how you will feel the next day after the race! Hopefully, super relieved and happy!

  8. I think you are GREAT, Kim! I know you are not alone, we all go through this kind of thing (I especially go through this when daylight savings time rolls around). I was like this during the half training it was just so much pressure (me putting all the pressure on myself) and I was just soooooooooo tired. But, I made it through!! You are going to do great because you are GREAT!!! I’m sure you will have to poop, I mean you wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t, right?!! Seriously if you don’t have to pop after 30 miles there is something seriously wrong with you!! Okay I’ll stop talking about pooping :). I’m so excited for you. You can do this Kim!!!!

  9. Delurker here. I am a little conflicted by your post. You mention often how much you need to run to relieve stress and how you need exercise in your life. However now you are doing a 50k and stressing about it. Maybe it’s time to just go back to running for pleasure and not compete in races that stress you out. It sounds like if you eliminate that stress other things going on around you might not be so bad.

  10. But it’s the goals of the races that inspires me to train and the pride I feel when I’m done balances out in the end. This is just first-time jitters, just like with my first half-marathon. I just dont’ know what to expect, so I’m nervous. But big pictures signing up for races and striving for goals is what keeps me running. 🙂

  11. As others have noted, both the time change and the holidays take a toll on many of us. Holidays for me aren’t bad or stressful per se, but WORK before those days is insane. We’re all trying to get everything done on crazy schedules set by clients who think that their contractors should certainly work over the holidays. SAD is real and during “daylight wasting time” I always feel like curling up on the couch and hibernating with junk food until summer returns. Running/exercising is one way to stay sane. Spend as much time outside, in the sun, as you can (difficult for those of us who work insane hours and run/exercise in the dark!). Incorporate one thing just for you, that’s really special and makes you happy, every day. Like, for me coming home looing forward to to a warm soak in the jetted tub and a glass of wine, plus my (ziplock-bagged) Kindle on cold rainy days reallly helps me relax. You may also want to up your vitamin D intake.

  12. Blaine didn’t ugly cry tonight! In fact, he was a pretty perfect angel – did that help?

    (Weak, I know, but it’s what I’ve got. Good luck this weekend!)

  13. I just read your post about the Ultra Marathon. I am glad you were able to finish. I totally get what you say about training and pride and at the end it all works out. I have just started running and I can’t imagine ever doing an ultra marathon but who knows. I am just trying to get to the point of doing a 5k and have a ways to go before I even do that. I feel so good and accomplished after I run it’s been worth it for me. I never thought i would run outside ever!!! It definitely helps to read your posts too because of the struggles and goals you have accomplished. I keep telling myself I can do it. Thanks for blogging!

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