In case you missed it, we got bad news yesterday. I normally don’t do a “Previously On Kim’s Blog” link but I don’t normally post at night and I’m worried this entry might seem a little…whatevs…with my casual mention of my miscarriage and I wanted to make sure you saw that I did give the news an entire post yesterday.
I hate the word atheist. I feel like it implies I don’t believe in ANYTHING. When in reality, I just don’t believe in God or gods. But I do – in many ways – believe in SOMETHING. My own kinda something, I guess. My own faith in the power of good. The power of love. The power of kindness. The power of friendship.
This is why I wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer.
A lot of people weren’t sure if I wanted prayers when I said I needed you guys. I made sure to let them each know – I believe more in the power of prayer as a non-religious person than I ever did as a practicing Catholic.
And that’s because I believe in the power of good.
I believe when someone prays, or when someone simply hopes for something good for someone else, or when people just think positively — then positive things happen. Everyone was praying for my pregnancy to to last, and it didn’t. But I still believe the prayers worked because – from the moment I knew the baby had no heartbeat – I felt loved. Because while those prayers were not answered in the way we all hoped, I still knew that you all had prayed for it and I felt that love in a very sad moment.
So – what I do believe is that if there are 100 people praying for good in my life, then good will enter the universe around me in some way. Like feeling loved, even when I’m drenched in the sadness of a pregnancy loss.
I don’t believe any prayer is wasted.
I pray myself. Quite often. Just not in the way a religious person might. But, I do focus my thoughts and my energy on good things and hope dearly for positive results in the lives of those I hold dear. I hope my friend who is stressed finds peace. I hope my friend who is sad finds joy. I hope my friend who is lost find direction. And I truly believe that – if I think about those people enough in my life – good will find them. They will feel the positive ripple of my thoughts/prayers in their lives. Maybe not in the way I imagined, but in some way.
It’s simple, what I believe, really. That if I put positive energy out in the universe in some way (good thoughts, prayers, smiles, hugs) then that positive energy will surround me as well as those I’m thinking of.
So, yes. I always accept prayers. Especially now. I welcome prayers with open arms. I believe wholeheartedly in the good that prayers can do. And while I may not believe in your God or your Church, I believe in you. And your prayers still reach my heart and I hope you know how much that means to me. I hope that you know that, even though I don’t believe what you do, I value your prayers as deeply as someone who sits next to you in church. I hold them dear in my heart and embrace them when I’m feeling the weight of my sadness. Those prayers in my heart hold me up so I don’t collapse under the pain. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of those prayers.
And please know that I pray for you too.
I, personally, identify myself more as Agnostic than Atheist. I believe in something, but not a god or gods. I do believe that there is a higher power, and there is something that affects everything and everyone. So, similar situation as you.
I’m of the same thought with prayers, as well. Good thoughts, prayers, whatever you want to call them. The power of good thinking and the power of everyone being there for you in thought. It’s a powerful thing and it can help lift a person up. <3
Kim, this is just beautiful. So beautifully said.
This was a great post. This is EXACTLT how I feel about things. I was reading this and thought, “how did Kim get inside my head?”. And it was said so perfectly. I’m nominating this
Post for Five Star Friday.
Also, I hope things get better, uterus-wise.
You are a pretty remarkable person. My love and prayers to you and your family.
so very well said.
I’m a fully signed up child of God. I go to church every week and pray lots (but probably not enough lol).
I’m praying for you and your family today – I read the other post this morning before I started work and nearly had a little cry myself – there is something about the blogsphere and social networks that makes you part of peoples lives even though you may never meet and you live thousands and thousands of mile apart. When people out there are sad it makes me sad like it would if you were my friend here in person.
So, if you were my friend here in person and we could go physically do something, I’d take you out of a coffee, ice cream, cinema trip or something to make you feel loved or take the kids out for the afternoon so that you could have time to regroup, sleep or whatever you do to get some time to yourself maybe. I can’t fix the situation but I can let you know that I care for you and make you feel loved.
Big hugs Kim š
That was beautiful. So well said. I have tears in my eyes. I am a believer AND I also believe in all the things you said. I’m sending my positive thoughts, positive energy, and prayers to you and your family.
wow. you are an amazing person, wife, mom, writer, thinker and doer. sending good, healing thoughts your way. thank you for your honesty and candor! take care.
I’m so, so sorry this has happened again. I pray and believe the same as you, and all my prayers have been with you guys… though it’s hard for me not to feel angry that such a sad and terrible thing has happened to you. There’s no sense in it. I’m so sad for you guys, but glad that the power of community through the internet helps you to get through it. I wish there was more we could do.
Kim,
First of all, I am sorry. Sorry for you, Donnie, E, Nikki and Wes (even though I know you hadn’t told the youngest, it still affects them). I know how much you wanted this and I am sorry that it didn’t happen for you. I wanted it for you too–I have been wanting another baby myself, but my husband and I cannot get on the same page. So I think I figured, well, at least other really terrific women I “know” will have more babies and those babies will be in my world, so it is okay. So I am really sorry.
Secondly, your post about prayer is lovely, and very timely for me. My 6 year old just asked me this morning, “If we aren’t Jewish (lots of friends who are here in South Florida) or Catholic (my upbringing, my parents), what are we?” We started a discussion about belief and that sometimes it’s okay to just believe in goodness. I told him that I had believed something for a long time but didn’t anymore, but that I always believe that we need to take care of each other and that good actions are rewarded.
My parents pray for me every day, and I am glad for it. I agree, that what brings them comfort is good for me too, so it doesn’t make me uncomfortable in any way. I do my own type of praying, but some might say it’s more like wishing. Whatever. Sending positive energy out into the universe can’t be wrong, so who cares how we do it?
I will carry your family in my head and in my heart, and I will wish/hope/pray that you find peace and comfort in one another.
I am sorry.
For me, prayer has never been about religion or faith. It’s about intentions, about energies. It’s about sending things out into the world. It’s about sending positive thoughts and well wishes and everything else that’s good. So I’m definitely praying for you today.
This is such a lovely post. I too am a recovering Catholic, now agnostic at most and really more atheist. I like to say that I have faith in humanity, but not so much in the divine (secular humanism is what I’ve found to fit best). I really like your concept of godless prayer! Throughout my many miscarriages I almost missed my old belief system, but that was just desperation. It always seemed awkward to me to accept gracefully when people said that they were praying for me, but knowing that it was always with kind intentions was all that really mattered. I’m so glad that you feel loved and supported in the middle of this loss. If you do need to collapse at any point, we’re here to help you back up when you’re ready. Hugs…
This is a lovely post. I’m sort of in between on being an Athiest and not really being ready to give up on everything I was raised with, but I feel the same about prayer and positivity and Whatever is out there – goodness and love and…it all comes from the same place, even if it’s called different things. I’m glad you can feel it right now.
I have to save this post. I love how you summarized your beliefs, especially about prayer, and welcome all the power of love. I’m sending some out into the universe for you today.
I read your news yesterday on my phone and my heart dropped. I wanted to reply, but from my computer, not my phone.
I am so, so sorry for this loss, Kim. So sorry. I am thinking of you and your family.
I also get what you are saying with this post. I hesitate to identify as an atheist as well because it sounds like you believe in a heartless, black vacuum. It is so much more complicated than that.
Peace to you, Kim.
This is a beautiful post. I believe in God but not in church. I do believe in positive energy and trying to put it out in the universe. I learned that from you. I still have to work pretty hard at it some days. But I’m trying.
I do pray. I have been praying for you and I’ll continue to pray for your family in your loss.
I love this. I’m solidly atheist as well. I love this definition of prayer, and the idea that such focused, positive thoughts are always appreciated, even if we don’t all believe the same things. Lovely. (More hugs and waves of positive thoughts to you!)
I am so sorry! I am happy to hear that you believe in the power of prayer as it is a powerful healer. I fully believe in God and I accept where you are in your journey in life and I also believe that what you believe or choose to accept is a very private and personal decision. No one can make that decision for you and it is not our place to judge your feelings or beliefs. It is just our place to love you and care. So I am telling you that I care and love you and hope that you find peace and comfort and that I am praying for you as all these other lovely people on your blog are doing as well.
That you could write such a beautiful post in the midst of your pain shows that those prayers have power. I have been wrestling a bit in my own life lately, in a situation that simply put, needs prayer. Lots of prayer. I have opened up to my real life friends and in some cases acquaintances to ask for those prayers, but as an person who has a complicated history with religion but is married to a catholic, I felt almost like a fake for asking for those prayers. Your post has explained to my conscious self why that isn’t the case, and exactly why I felt the need to let everyone in and ask for their help.
I am so sorry. Sending love, healing thoughts and of course prayers your way.
I believe in you, and I’m praying for you and your family.
Your reply was so well said! I too have thought at times that I missed by old belief system out of desperation & would stop myself from praying. I had such guilt about not praying to God that I had decided I couldn’t pray at all because that was not how I was taught. I have only recently come to understand that MY beliefs & MY prayers are mine. What I choose to believe & pray for is OK. Thank you for your words!
Thank you for saying what I have always struggled to say….
Sending positive thoughts & prayers to you!
Beautiful. Beautiful post.
I am praying for you. And my heart is so heavy for your loss. xo
I’m sorry, Kim. You deserve nothing but the best.
I am so sorry, Kim. I don’t know you in real life but I read your blog everyday. I am sending you all the love & good wishes I can muster. I hate that this is happening to you…..hate it so much.
I am so, so, so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I have been anxiously reading since you first annnounced and praying for a full-term pregnancy for you. Words just seem so ineffective, but I am sorry and I do send out prayers you will be comforted.
I continue to send love and hugs and prayers your way <3
Good to know, I never wanted to offend you with my prayers. Love and prayers are coming your way because I know that it will help ease the sadness.
Kim,
I used to read your blog all of the time. Then you got way healtheir than me with all of the running, and I couldn’t keep up with it anymore. By chance, I came back last week to see if anything was new and I learned you were pregnant so I started reading again. (Not to discredit your awesome fitness achievements – I think they’re wonderful – I just couldn’t relate to as much of what you were writing.) This morning I logged on and clicked back a couple of posts to find this one.
I don’t believe in organized religion at all. I don’t belive in God(s) either. What I do believe in is essentially the same as you. Being a good person. Love. Faith in human-kind. Doing the right thing. Treating people well. I never thought about praying in the sense that you described here, but it makes so much sense to me. Thank you for putting this out there for all of us to read and understand. It was beautifully well written.
I am so sorry for your loss, and for your family’s loss. I can’t imagine what this must be like for each of you, but I am so happy to know that you have the strength and support of each other, and of all of us.
– H
Hi Kim,
I’m a mostly quiet reader and fan of your blog. You’ve inspired me in a lot of ways since finding your blog about a year ago and I think you and your family are just so awesome (I even follow E in instagram because of you :)). Your last few posts have had me hooked to the happenings of your life as of late. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss; I so badly wish it wasn’t so. You’ve also echoed my beliefs in this post and please know what I sure will be praying for you and your family. Praying and sending you tons of warm wishes.
please know that I sure will be*
Oh, Kim. My heart goes out to you. You’re right in that we were all here rooting for you. But we’re still here to help lift you up when you’re down. Many hugs sent your way…
Crazy, I almost made a similar post to this tonight as I was lying awake with my irrational fear of dying.
Here is the gist:
A-theist – A means without. I choose to live without religion.
Anti-theist – Anti means opposed. I am not opposed to religion. I embrace anyones’ choices as long as they don’t impede on my right to have my own choice.
I don’t pray, I think of people. I hope for the best for them. I wonder how they are doing. And to me, when someone prays for me, I think they are doing the same thing, and it makes me happy.