I was Class of ’93. Did you know that? Hard to believe that the year of my 20-year reunion – if we were to have one – is the year my oldest child will graduate from high school.
His first day of school was yesterday and it took everything out of me not to cry my eyes out. As long as I didn’t think about it, I was fine. But the second I thought, “OH MY GOD. He’s a SENIOR…” I could feel the tears forming. This is also the first year I haven’t driven him to school every day, as he now has a car. (199 Corolla, 200K+ miles on it. He’s quite proud.) It’s very weird not to be driving him every day. I miss that short trip already. It was just the two of us for 15 minutes or so and it was nice. As the Mom of a teenager, you enjoy every second you get. I’m sad I no longer get those seconds.
I can’t believe he’s a Senior. There are days when I think of course he is because it feels like it’s been plenty long enough. I have more years of memories as his Mom than I have as not being his Mom…so it feels time for him to become an adult and start his adult life.
But then – other days – it feels like there is no way he’s older than nine. There’s no way he’s months away from turning 18..in his last year in high school. Wasn’t he just collecting Pokemon cards yesterday? Weren’t we just standing in line for Harry Potter books a few months ago? Didn’t he just start middle school? How is he graduating from high school already?
And as a blogger…I know you guys are just as shocked. I mean, I remember when Dooce taped an eviction notice on her pregnant belly before Leta was born. I remember Amalah before there was a Noah, Ezra, or Ike. I remember Yvonne sending her oldest off to high school and sobbing because I’d be doing the same soon…and now he’s a marine. I’ve seen the blogs I read – their kids grow and I think, “How have I been reading about your life for THAT long?”
The same way I’ve been writing about mine, I guess.
And then, I know a lot of you mention reading here when I got pregnant with Nikki. Look at how much she’s changed in just a year:
(Sidenote: I did not buy her a new backpack or lunchbox. This was a huge point of contention. I told her she could ask for new ones for her birthday or Christmas but she didn’t get one JUST BECAUSE it was a new year. Her old ones were perfectly fine. Where am I on the 1-10 scale of mean and crotchety?)
Before I know it…I’ll be writing an entry titled: “Class of 2023”.
I’ve been thinking a lot about time and ages of children lately. Did you know I didn’t have any kids in my 20s? Sometimes I notice that because I’m a bit younger than some of my friends with kids E’s age but I’m a bit older than some of my friends with kids Wes’s age. Most people have their kids in their 20s, I skipped mine completely.
(Not for lack of trying, of course.)
While I’m feeling a bit somber, I’m also so incredibly blessed. E is amazing in every way. He wrote a book this summer and is actually actively trying to find a literary agent for it. At age 17 he’s done something I’ve had on my To Do list for 30 years. He’s basically already achieved one of my life goals. He knows how to cook, he cares for his siblings, he’s just so much more prepared for adulthood than I ever was.
So I smile about it all. The passage of time…the changing of grades, of schools, of lives. Because – given a few slight changes in any direction – I’d be in an entirely different place right now. And none of those places would be as right as this one. So I’ll welcome this year and all of the milestones it holds…and just be so very grateful for everything good in my life.
Now…pass me the Kleenex. I’m going to need them.